Showing posts with label absentometer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label absentometer. Show all posts

Thursday, April 16, 2009

North Korea, Fiji, Thailand - The Absentometer™ Goes Berserk

North Korea - Villains! As proof of their murderousness, they have provocatively fired a long range 'missile'. The bloc-media sings a single song of righteous indignation. Three nights running now the TV has hosted a parade of Western leaders, commentators, academics, and think-tank types who have described in detail why we must strengthen and protract North Korea's misery, suffering, and starvation. The North Koreans bring it upon themselves, you see.

And what do the North Koreans have to say about this 'missile'? Not that we're interested of course, but it's some nonsense about 'launching a satellite'. Pah! What a crummy lie! The West laughs at such nonsense. A lie so easy to disprove! What idiots! Cut to President Obama saying that their talk of a satellite is a lie and demonstrably so. Cut to a NASA representative saying how the US tracks thousands of orbiting objects and doesn't miss a thing. Cut to satellite tracking expert sitting at his computer with the screen clearly demonstrating the non-existence of this satellite. Cut back to smarmy newsreader shaking his talking head at the pathetic nature of North Korean lying.


Wait a minute! What's the annoying beeping noise? Oh look, it's my patented Absentometer™ going berserk. Impossibly, it seems that none of the above happened. In a very busy discussion of the whole North Korean 'missile' caper, not a single person did the beyond-obvious thing and declare that there was no satellite. Go figure. For three nights running now, I've been yelling at the television, 'Is there a satellite or not?' and no one wants to answer the question. That it could be answered is beyond certainty. In terms of argument it's a no-brainer. If there was no satellite, they'd say so, loudly and repeatedly.

That the powers in the West have failed to address the single most obvious, lay-down misere argument-winner can mean only one thing - the Koreans did launch a satellite. We may not acknowledge this since being able to launch a satellite is no crime at all. We launch them all the time and no one bats an eyelid. In fact, when Australia launched its first we all celebrated and Australia Post printed a special commemorative stamp.

Bugger satellites and bugger every other reason given why we must hate North Korea. The true reason must not be uttered - North Korea does not have a privately owned money supply. Subsequently, annihilation is to be their lot. And we in the West, the un-ironic, 'freedom-defending' debt-peons of the banking families are to be the agents of their annihilation. Yeah well, three cheers for us.

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Fiji - Villains! What have they done now? It seems that the Fijian military refused to obey the Fijian Court of Appeal's order that they hand over power. The military are fascists and racists. The military of course is entirely indigenous Melanesian. The Supreme Court is almost entirely Indian and expat whites. The military, as an expression of the Melanesian discontent, seem to have some mad objection to: the government, the judiciary, banking, business, and the media all being in the hands of ethnic Indians and non-Melanesians. Obvious racists! And as we all know, there's only one type of racism - that of the majority who object to a distinct minority who perpetually seems uninterested in inter-marrying, or otherwise having anything to do with the majority apart from taking their money.

And now Commodore Frank Bainimarama, the leader of Fiji's military, has gone one step too far. He's thrown out whomever it was that ran Fiji's Reserve Bank. Good God! He's really done it now hasn't he? The media, sure enough, interviews everyone with a tale to tell. Pay no attention to the fact that they're all non-Melanesian. Look, there's Sean Dorney, long-time (and curiously spotty) foreign correspondent, explaining how the complete absence of anyone protesting, or hitting the streets, or any other thing, is proof of the totality of the military's grip, and also of the climate of fear that they've instilled in the entire population. Of course, had people hit the streets and protested that would have been proof of the unpopularity of the military. Don't flip that coin! Sean Dorney has spoken.


But never mind the expats, what does Bainimarama have to say on the matter? Oh-oh, is that my Absentometer™ going nuts again? God, that's annoying. In amongst all of this, we didn't hear a single word from Bainimarama. Perhaps he has some crazy wooly-bully superstition that a camera will capture his soul? Or maybe he's shy? Or maybe we are? Not us! As if the media would be shy of hosting a discussion of the nature of Reserve Banking. The fact that they've never had one before, not ever, is, I don't know... a fluke or something. Ha ha ha ha, but seriously, I'll bet money that the reason Bainimarama isn't on the telly explaining his actions against the Reserve Bank is because he'd make far too much sense and might even have us wondering about our own Reserve. What do you think? Hmm... best we not go there.

Metaphorically, that is. Physically, we WILL go there. Now that Bainimarama has kicked out the bankers, I'll lay odds that Australian troops will be in Fiji sooner rather than later. I've no idea how this will be brought about, but some means of Bainimarama's forced ejection is a cold, hard certainty. I wonder if we could pull off a Fijian version of Alfredo Reinado? That worked a treat in East Timor. The script rolled out like clockwork with helpful, freedom-loving Australian troops hitting the ground to deliver to the Timorese people peace, love, and a clear understanding that the gas fields just offshore actually belonged to Australia. Australia! International good guys!

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Thailand - Villains! Or heroes! Ayah, this is so confusing. Who's who, here? Two colour-coded revolutions. The first was clearly a George Soros style effort. It had yellow t-shirts, yellow flags, and free yellow pop concerts. Absurdly, the police and military were happy to let them occupy Bangkok airport. Don't they know there's a War!On!Terror! with airports as the front line? It seems that those nice yellow people broke their hearts (unlike those Burmese refugees whom they towed out to sea to starve to death). Sure enough the yellow people were media darlings.

Like all the other well-organised colour-coded revolutions, this was an expression of the people's will. They were sick and tired of Thaksin Shinawatra's party who wickedly kept winning elections and were otherwise popular with the poor majority of Thailand's population. God knows what was up with this so-called 'majority'. What's that? Universal healthcare? Perhaps they're commies?



And now there's another colour-coded revolution. Red this time! Did somebody say commies, just now? But where's the picnic atmosphere? Where are the pop concerts and free food? And why are they so angry? How keen they are to smash stuff up! Who's leading these people? They're doing a poor job. You'd almost wonder (yes, thank you Aangirfan) if the point of the exercise wasn't now to discredit the opposition and make the current unelected fellow look like a peace-making good guy. But who knows? If only we had some means of finding out what the majority of the people wanted.

Oh, oh, what's that pinging noise? It's that rotten Absentometer™ wondering where the democracy-loving West's calls for a fresh election are. This current leader is unelected. Why are we not insisting he set a timetable for elections? We do this all the time. In Madagascar just lately, when that new fellow (and boy does the West hate him!) declared that elections would be held within whatever timeframe it was we were outraged. Not good enough! It must be sooner! That's us, The West - Champions of Democracy! Except in Thailand. There, we withhold our demands for elections. And quite right too. Since the Thais kept getting it wrong best we just skip it. The only thing you need to remember is that we are the good guys. Huzzah! Huzzah! We are always right!

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Never mind the Absentometer™ - it's a tricky beast to tune. And arguably you don't need it since it only functions as a means of confirmation anyway. Really, everything you need to know about any given foreign leader's status as villain or hero can be seen by how we in the debt-peon West variously congratulate or condemn them. If our bought-and-sold leaders clap their hands like a line of performing seals, you know that they're applauding a fellow who's every bit as owned as they are. The lackeys all congratulate each other. And whomever our leader/lackeys condemn and warrant as worthy of economic strangulation, old-style starvation, or out-and-out death-from-above destruction, must clearly be someone with more cojones and independence than they'll ever have.

I reckon it's as simple as that.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Twin Pillars

In much the same way that when one drinks from a spittoon it's impossible to back out half way through, looking into the pedophocracy leads you far further than you ever wanted to go. (It's all Aangirfan's fault. Curse you Aangirfan!)

It began with me looking into the Madeleine McCann abduction. I thought little of it when it occurred way back when, but I'm now convinced that the whole affair was precisely the pedophocracy in action. Given Portugal's insanely huge Casa Pia childcare scandal that swept up members of the government, judiciary, police, and the media - and which is precisely equivalent in scope to Belgium's Dutroux scandal - it beggars belief that the media spent more time pointing fingers at the McCanns than wondering at organised paedophilia. And sure enough, hardly anyone has heard of Casa Pia. Nuts.


Anyway, as one follows pedophocracy links and trails, one heads further and further into red pill territory. It's almost enough to make you sympathise with that fellow in the Matrix who regretted taking the aforementioned. Eventually my trail led me to this, and this, and this. To a certain extent I wonder if I should be linking to such things. Only because it's the equivalent of being thrown in the deep end. Hmm... 'deep end' doesn't quite cut it - how about 'the abyss'? Which is to say, had someone shown me all of this ten years (in my Time magazine days), or even two years ago (in my nowt-but-wrh days), I'd have rejected it outright whilst wondering at their sanity. No longer. And presumably anyone reading here has already been through Dave McGowan with his pedophocracy and programmed killers (along with the various discussions here of related wickedness) and so I think it's a step we're capable of.

I have no idea if everything in amongst those assorted links is true. After all, I'm just some loudmouth bullshit-artist living in a low-rent Tourist Town. With my happily unmolested childhood I have no experience of anything even close to this kind of thing - all that schooling under the Catholics and no one so much as laid a finger on me. Thus, I bring nothing to the discussion but observations.

In this spirit, it strikes me that the blizzard of undeniable facts coming from the US, Belgium, the UK, France, Portugal, Italy, and Russia, must necessarily lead a thinking man to viewing those articles' big picture explanations (à la Operation Monarch and MPD/DID) as, if not likely, at least feasible. Very feasible.

And speaking of sniff-tests, there's my ever-handy Media Absentometer™ wherein an occult entity's power is in inverse proportion to its explication in the media. Individual incidents will slip out but they will never be pursued and no big picture will ever be constructed. The media's spotlight points everywhere but there. Certainly I'm talking about the private ownership of the world's money supply, but let's plug the pedophocracy into this concept. In terms of a thousand isolated events never being viewed as part of a big picture, it's right up there with banking. (In this vein, how about we plug the Catholic Church into the absentometer? Oops, bent the needle backwards it seems.)

Mind you, the pedophocracy isn't quite in banking's league. I'd say it scores a 9 to the money-masters' perfect 10. Firstly, things monetary have a distinct leg-up advantage insofar as they're unintelligible to begin with. Even if one does manage to explain the basics of banking to someone, it remains a nebulous concept for them - in much the same way that since GM food doesn't make you instantly sick, the government has never banned it, and it looks exactly like regular food, perhaps there's nothing wrong with it?

The pedophocracy on the other hand, requires no arcane explanation. Everyone instantly gets it - you put 'sex' and 'kids' in the same sentence and patient explanation becomes hysterically unnecessary. Paedophilia will never be airily dismissed like the unintelligible complexities of banking. Which is to say, both the banking elite and the pedophocracy max out the Absentometer, but the latter doesn't get quite such an easy ride.

And then there's Rothschild's balls-out statement 'Give me control of a nation's currency and I care not who makes its laws.' This is him unambiguously telling us that he's beyond the law. And how does the pedophocracy rate on this scale? Hooly Dooly! They pretty much max that fucker out, don't they? And sure, there have been trials and publicity. But the wash-up is something else. Who went to jail for McMartin? The Presidio/West Point affair? The Franklin scandal? Jersey? North Wales? L'Affaire Dutroux? Would I be right in thinking that all up it was two people maybe? Wow. And sure, the Rothschilds get a lovely, comfy obscurity, and paedophilia in Belgium was bigger than Ben Hur, but either way the ballpark is the ballpark.


For mine, these are the twin pillars of occult power. Oh wait, I was just about to wonder at the relationship between the two, when a thought occurred. What if we were to take the metaphor one step sideways and call them the Two Towers? Ring a bell? What if I was to say that banking was Sauron's base, and the pedophocracy was Saruman's? That kind of works - one is subordinate to the other; the destruction of one will not automatically lead to that of the other; and both have utility for their counterpart; and yet each can independently act in their own interests. Above all however, the one ring rules and the fundamental relationship of who's master of whom remaining unchallenged.

But not wishing to take anything for granted, let's reverse things. I can see no way that the pedophocracy could seize the banker's power. On the other hand the pedophocracy could belong to anyone. You lay your hands on their video collection and you have them by the balls. Frankly I see that as being the whole point of it. Hmm... I seem to recall that Interpol has a database of every kiddy porn image and movie ever made. A thing worth having, that, wouldn't you say?

And besides, there's no way the whole world could come under pedophocracy control. 'We are all paedophiles now', ha ha. As if. No, I have the pedophocracy pegged as servant to banking's master. It's a means of control via corruption. Someone need merely dip their toe in the pedophocracy pool and that's them done for. They're owned. And the idea of a corruption-based control mechanism existing to further the interests of a corruption-based control mechanism strikes me as an idea disappearing up its own arse. You wouldn't bribe a politician because you're nutty for bribery, if you can dig it. You bribe them to achieve something. That makes sense, doesn't it?

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Oh dear, it seems I started on one thing and ended up with another. As usual I point my laser at a mirror ball. Brilliant. And now I've gone on too long. But rather than viewing this as waffling, why don't I do my usual trick and declare it to be the macro preface to the next piece's micro. Up shortly - Operation Monarch, Ursula LeGuin, and 'Know Thyself'.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Japanese spritzers, Scott Ritter, the G-spot, and other occult knowledge

There I was wandering around my own hard drive and I found some porn! It was the only thing I'd ever bothered saving. It was from a VCD I bought in Hong Kong years ago. I bought it because its cover caught my eye. The Chinese characters on the front said, '500 people!' and beneath that was a photo of hundreds of naked couples, each with their own futon, with the futons laid out in rows in some gigantic sound stage. Sure enough it was a Chinese knock-off of a Japanese thing. I expect it cost ten HK dollars which is about a buck fifty.

Buck fifty or no, it's one of the most extraordinary things ever. It's not an orgy or a free-for-all. All of the people are directed. They all do the same thing. They start with kissing. After ten minutes, with the cameras wandering through the ranks, the director gives the nod and everyone goes to the next foreplay position. And so on and so on. Ten minutes of each thing, with everyone in rows, all facing the same way, all simultaneously progressing through the various positions, man on top, woman on top, etc etc, until everyone 'goes' (nb. the Japanese do not so much 'come' as 'go'. Ha! this and a thousand other curiosities). And then it's all over bar the mopping up with the thoughtfully provided tissues. At no time is there any artifice, pretence, or bullshit. The whole thing is shockingly honest.


Okay, so this is porn but it's also something else. For mine, this is up there with Christo and Spencer Tunick. As art it's the equal of any of these, albeit without the famous backdrops. Viewed objectively, it's like some mad anthropological tableau, a real cultural trip. These people are so polite and considerate of each other! And within these ordered acts of nude uniformity is the wildest array of differences imaginable. I still don't know what to make of it. One could write it off as mere porn, sure. But this is so unlike anything you've ever seen before, and such a mindfuck, that it's beyond that. It's something else.

But! Forget about it! I don't really want to discuss this particular video. I merely insert the preceding as a preface to the following. (Or if you want to view it as me cravenly explaining why I have porn on my hard-drive, you may do so, ha ha.) And otherwise, I have no idea if this vid was a big deal in Japan. Perhaps it was run of the mill? Certainly its not-infrequent incidences of female orgasm and ejaculation are. In Japan, that is. In 'Western' porn (which is to say, Jewish porn) there's no such thing. What's perfectly unremarkable in Japan is completely and utterly absent in the West. And it's this line of thought that has fired my brain.

Okay so I've written about this before. Ever monotonous, me. But here I want to go one step further, make some new connections, and otherwise clarify things.

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But let's leap to Scott Ritter first. Remember him? Way back when, in the weapons inspection phase after Bush the Elder's Gulf War, he was 'it'. He was the good-looking ex-marine who was stomping all over Iraq searching for WMD's. He was certainly all over the media. I saw him dozens of times and you probably did too. He was savvy, sharp, and pithy. He was so good that whenever the media needed an expert on WMD's in Iraq, Ritter was the first, and probably the only, name in their rolodex.

Cue to a couple of years later and we're in the run-up to the idiot son's Gulf War with a media discussion of same exact subject - WMD's in Iraq. On and on, an endless discussion of how Saddam was going to kill us all. Everyone who was anyone, and could string two words together, got on the TV to tell us about Iraqi WMD's. Everyone, except Scott Ritter. And nobody noticed. The only reason I noticed was on account of his name copping a single fleeting mention in a single fleeting newspaper article. It hinted that Ritter was somehow in disagreement with what the US government was telling us.


A minor explosion in the head of yours truly. Scott Ritter! Whatever happened to him? Why wasn't he on the telly? And he disagreed about the WMD's? Huh?! No one disagreed on this! What's going on? Fired with curiosity, I hit the net and discovered that Ritter was saying that there were no WMD's in Iraq at all. Not a sausage. And the media...?

The media, which apparently loves controversy, was utterly uninterested in a fellow who was, a) arguably the expert on the topic under discussion, b) media savvy and camera friendly, with an excellent track record, and c) had a controversial view on the biggest topic going.

I'll keep saying this because it's a big deal - Ritter's complete and utter absence in the media was IMPOSSIBLE.

Well, it was impossible if the media is what they say they are. Allegedly they love controversy. Allegedly they like to get the scoop that no one else gets. Allegedly they love to dig up the truth and win that Pulitzer. Scott Ritter was someone's ticket to all of these things and yet not one single media entity would touch him. Nuts.

The only possible explanation for Ritter's absence is one that pivots on the media as a bloc-media wherein no one may stray from a centrally dictated line. That's the only conclusion possible.

Okay, yawn, everyone gets it. It's all old hat. Well it certainly is on this blog, ha ha. But whatever. I just want to hammer home the principle that if one can figure out what's absent in any given media discussion, far more will be learnt than by attempting to analyse what's present. Or perhaps that should be 'presented'. What's presented is bullshit designed to mislead and confuse. Whatever isn't there has been disappeared because it will lead us to the truth. Or peace. Or health. Or freedom. Or insert-thing-worth-having-here.

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And everything is like this. Certainly everything in the media. For some reason we differentiate the media from Hollywood, from publishing, from games, from the porn industry. This is foolish. They're all the same thing. They all deal with perceptions. And they're all run by same people. Jewish people, natch. To be honest, if the Jewish people had one single talent, it's their ability to posit an imagined reality. No one here will be surprised when I say that, between reality and the Jewish media's posited reality, the latter trumps the former. Just ask the Iraqis! Otherwise you can call this ability lying if you like - no skin off my nose.

And this genius for creating a self-serving reality isn't confined to us understanding that Jewish people are victim/heroes and Arabs are villains. Nor to Christians being slowly turned into precisely the kind of people that Christ emphatically rejected. Nor to the world being convinced that usury and money-as-debt are as natural and inevitable as the sunrise.

Nothing is left out. Everything is viewed through this Jewish lens. Even sex. Sex is a funny thing. How do we learn about sex? Okay so there's the antiseptic mechanics of it that we're all taught at school. And then... And then... It seems that's there's two ways to learn about sex. One is by doing it. I'm going to call this 'education by Chinese whispers'. It's whispered from person to person. The other means of learning about sex is via the Jewish perception machine. Which is to say, porn. And no mistake, porn definitely serves this purpose. How many kids have watched full-tilt porn before they even have their first sexual experience? Most of them?

Fact is, they don't even really need to watch porn at all. Regular sitcom television is now so pornographic it's mind-boggling. To be honest I rarely watch this sort of stuff. But all one has to do is flick around the channels and this is sufficient to get the idea. Has anyone seen Two And A Half Men? Good god. Is it just me, or is this show entirely devoted to the sex life of two men who have a boy living with them? And last night in surfing through the channels I happen upon David Lucas's glabrous bonce (from the comedy show Little Britain USA) filling half the screen as he mugs wantonly over David Walliams' realistically sculpted prosthetic penis (which fills the other half). Do we seriously think kids don't surf through the channels like this? Of course they do.


Okay, sure, it's the parent's fault. Guilty of insufficient vigilance! But vigilance is easier said than done. Not so long ago, finding depictions of sex anywhere was not easy. Now it's everywhere. It's so omnipresent that we barely think anything of it. It's normalised now. So much so, that was you to sit in someone's loungeroom and point out the perversity of what they're watching, they'd take you for some variety of nutbar wowser.

Anyway the trend is unmistakable. Four decades ago TV depictions of married couples required that they not be in the same bed together. And now, not only are they in bed, but it will be made perfectly clear that they are involved in some graphically unmistakable sex act. In fact, it's perfectly possible that it will comprise the entire pivot around which the episode revolves. Seinfeld anyone? Not forgetting of course that the biggest video of whatever-year-that-was was Paris Hilton sucking cock. How many boys and girls saw that? Most of 'em I expect.

Side note 1 - I spent some time in Milan in Italy and met a lot of wealthy young American kids studying fashion etc. It was fun for a while but eventually I got tired of hearing the word 'awesome', and moreover, of the really intense pornographic nature of most of their conversations. I'm not talking smutty double entendres here. I'm always up for that. This was different. "No man, she actually preferred sucking cock to having sex. She said that! And she bet me (right there in the middle of the party!) that she could make me come without touching me except with her mouth. So I said, 'Man, we're getting this on video...''. All with endless interjections of 'awesome' from the mixed company audience. I was at a loss in these conversations. I'd never come across people who talked like this. And nor was there any shortage of them. Shake my head.

And me, I haven't the slightest doubt that these kids are this way because of their immersion in the Jewish media. Not only are our conversations ever more given to sex, but this sex is ever more extreme in its perversity. But this is just more background to my main point, that being about absences.

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The absence in amongst this sea of porn is female orgasm. And had I not lived in Japan, watched Japanese porn, and witnessed the ubiquity of female orgasm, I'd have assumed that it was some variety of chimera - 'a thing that is hoped or wished for, but in fact is illusory or impossible to achieve'. As far as Jewish porn is concerned that's female orgasm for you.

Or let's put it this way - women do have orgasms in Jewish porn. Which is to say they scream more loudly when the man comes. But having seen When Harry Met Sally, we all know that it's bullshit. And it is bullshit! Besides, female orgasm results from certain, ahem, physical actions. Me, I have never seen these actions depicted in Jewish porn. Certainly not for long enough for an orgasm to result. So whilst we might vaguely understand that female orgasm is possible, we will never be shown how to bring it about in any useful fashion. (I suspect that if any couple in a Jewish porn movie did manage it, the whole sequence would be left on the cutting room floor.)

Keep in mind that no cultural reference is too obtuse for the porn industry to hang its hat on. 'Splendour in the Grass' was turned into 'Splendour in the Ass'. 'Edward Scissorhands' became 'Edward Penis-hands'. On and on, ad nauseam. Any idiotic thing will do. Except female orgasm.

Straight up and unambiguously now - This absence is IMPOSSIBLE. Which is to say, it's a deliberate act. There is no way known that the porn industry forgot, or is otherwise unaware of, actual female orgasm. It's as simple as that.


Side note 2 - Who remembers the G-spot? I recall a fifteen-minutes-of-fame book written about it in the eighties. And then what? And then nothing. It sank without trace. Not a single ripple interrupted our ever growing exposure to our ever more perverse discussions of fellatio, necrophilia, bestiality etc. In fact I expect that there are people reading this who are scratching their heads, not quite sure what I'm talking about. Well just to make things clearer (ha!), here's the definition of G-spot from my Macintosh's Oxford American Dictionary - 'a sensitive area of the anterior wall of the vagina believed by some to be highly erogenous and capable of ejaculation.' What? "believed by some"? Ha ha ha ha - who wrote this shit? Go to Japan you fuckwit! Check the porn! No need for 'belief' mate, it's all right there spritzing the goddamn camera.

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Okay. So what does it all mean? Why is Jewish porn (hell, the whole media) completely devoid of non-fake female orgasm? Why is that? Remember - like Scott Ritter's absence in the run up to Iraq, this cannot be an accident. Impossibilities like this can only be deliberate.

It's hard to avoid coming to the conclusion that the existence of female orgasm, along with the means of achieving it, are some mad variety of occult knowledge. The masses (the non-Japanese masses, that is) are to be kept ignorant of it. To what end? Why is this so?

I wonder if there isn't some porn-specific variation of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion out there that explains why the goyim may not know about female orgasm. "Deprived of this knowledge, the goyim will all run melancholy mad and turn to us for solace" or somesuch.

And whether I have a precise answer for this or no (okay, so it's 'no'), it's not like everything above is rendered worthless. The fact that I don't know the 'why' doesn't change the cold hard certainty of 'who', 'what', and 'when'. These alone are enough to tell us what we're in amongst. The dichotomy of reality and its depiction by the world-is-thus Jewish media is cast in stark relief regardless.

Consider the enormity of this. There is no aspect of our existence that the Jewish definers of reality aren't prepared to distort. Nothing. What's in your head belongs to them. From whom we kill, to how we fuck - all of it - it's all theirs.

And sure enough, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist. Yeah well fuck that. I'm calling it.