Thursday, January 10, 2008

helter skelter coming down fast

Are we there yet?

- Adam Pearlman sticks his fat-head up so we might know that American citizens are potential, if not real, terrorists. Kill the president, says he. It's important that we know that when Bush is assassinated, it was Arabs whodunnit. As ever, the credits roll before the action takes place.

- A first! Palestinian vox-pop interviews! I can't recall seeing any before. Anyway they all seem to hate the otherwise universally-beloved idiot son. Assassins in the making! No doubt they're zealous followers of Adam Pearlman.

- The idiot son is aimlessly wandering around the Middle East. Did somebody say 'peace mission'? Ha ha ha ha ha. Who needs those Hollywood writers? Hysterical. (And was I the only person creeped out by Shrub copping a rose and a soft-on from that pre-teen warbler? If Broadway did 'Mossad Honey Trap - The Musical' that's what it would look like. Shrub's mad leer was perfect.)

- As is appropriate for a man on a peace-mission, soft-on or no, the first words out of the dimwit's mouth were to threaten Iran. Iranians are wicked and war-like and must be stopped.

- Iranians, keen to demonstrate the veracity of the idiot son, pointlessly ride about in a bright-blue, flagless, two-man pleasure-craft and utter preposterous threats to US dreadnoughts a million times their tonnage.

- Breaking News! The following was overhead on a blue speedboat - "Oh Moshe, you crack me up!... 'YOU WILL EXPLODE!' Ooooh! Ha ha ha ha ha... Do it again! That voice is hysterical - you sound like such a moron!... Are you allowed to say, 'Death to America!'?... No?... Pity, I love that one... Look at those stupid Americans! They're going nuts! Ha ha ha ha...dickheads! Death to America!"

We're really close now folks. The crash of the economy can't be held back with insane injections of worthless money much longer. That traditional bellwether, gold, is going through the roof. No one wonders at this. CDO's, SIV's, ARM's, MBS's, and other acronyms that sound like they're some kind of military ordinance but aren't, will behave as if they were, and explode this year. The banking disasters so far are due to nothing more than the mere thought of these unstoppable timer-detonated capital letters. Speaking of ordinance - Does anyone think that Iran, Syria, and Lebanon can avoid being turned into parking lots? Israel and their dual-citizen friends have invested far too much time, money and blood (not theirs) in this. Seriously, what - apart from a US military coup - could possibly deter them?

I'm too shy to make a big prediction so I'll just make some small ones. TV viewers will hear the following familiar phrases in entirely new contexts unconnected with third world countries -
'took everyone by surprise...nobody saw it coming'
'postponement of elections...emergency measures'
'scenes of rioting...breakdown of law and order'
'necessary crackdown...troops patrolled the streets'
'in brighter news... ring-tail lemurs in a Japanese zoo are enjoying a few creature comforts, all thanks to a heater that keepers installed in their cage'

Holy shit! Seconds after I finished typing that, it was on Fox News! It came after a story that failed to devote even one sentence contemplating Iranian claims that the speed-boat story is a fabrication. I am astounded... at my powers of prediction regarding lemur stories, that is. Any idiot could have predicted that Fox would never follow up on the possibility that the US would lie in order to smash another country on Israel's shit-list.

Hey everyone! Look at the funny lemurs!


Anonymous said...

Yes! Yes! That's it! We'll have 'a US military coup'.
Or... or... I know, one of those heroes from a book will save us.
(my grandma also said sarcasm is the poorest form of wit)

annemarie said...

ah fuck. i don't know what to say anymore.


not a reflection on you nobody. you get my drift, i trust.

nobody said...

Hey Folks,

Yeah. I hope I don't depress anyone. I expect I do. And me, I have my moments. But really I'm an absurdist. I spent my youth listening to Monty Python. And as a sane man in a mad world, or vice versa, absurdity seems as good a response as any.

And Tony, your gran seems like an inexhaustible font of wisdom. What was the subject matter again? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Four hundred and two.

Anonymous said...

My grandma also said if you can't beat 'em join 'em. What an absurd thing to say.

nobody said...


For absurdity, your gran ain't got nothing on me. I'm so absurd I make George Bush look presidential.

Ha ha ha ha. Don't worry, I don't get it either.

Anonymous said...

The lemurs will take better care of this world than we have.