Hey N,
Thought this would appeal to you...
Xxx C
Subject: [S] Threat Levels
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
**** Klein
Hullo C,
It's poor of me I know, but as I read this I knew it had been written by a Jewish person. And sure enough I get to the bottom of the attachment and there's the name L***s Klein right there. I know it's all meant to be light and frothy but I can't help but be struck by the irony of a Jewish person who thinks it's fine to make sweeping racist jokes about others but who would, in turn, view any jokes about Jewish people as an unforgivable sin.
Here's a list of quotes from the talmud. Would it be okay if I tailored one of them into that gag? Never mind the Italians as feckless cowards, how about this: When you go to war do not go as the First, but as the last, so that you may return as the first? Italians - Jews - fair's fair, isn't it?
I guess the difference between me and everyone else is that I'm of the opinion that there are two racisms. Firstly there is the one which may be discussed (and condemned of course) and that is the racism of the majority against the minority. And you know me, I'm against it sure. But the other variety is never discussed with most not even aware that it exists. This other is the racism of the minority against the majority. I'm talking here particularly of any multi-generational minority that has, as central to its identity, a refusal to join with whomever it is they live amongst. They are perpetually the 'other' and possessed of an eternal, without-it-we-are-nothing 'us and them' mindset. I'm sure you know what I mean.
I actually wrote about this other racism you know. You should read that, it's quite good - I don't mention Jews at all. Oh, and the author of the book I discuss there, Amy Chua, is the same woman currently embroiled in her silly Chinese-Mums-Are-Superior brouhaha. For me I'm entirely unsurprised since I'd pegged her as a racist from day one. She married a Jewish chap by the way. Anyway, her book World On Fire is an apologia for the racism of the minority and I basically tear it a new one.
The thing is you see, is that once you acknowledge the racism of the minority everything changes and the discussion shifts into whole new realms. Indeed it's an arguable position that an us-and-them minority, hugely impressed with their own greatness and fearful of subsumation, would benefit from fostering the racism of the majority in order to stoke their own us-and-them fires and thus keep the flock together. Or to put it another way, in a wolf-free environment, with the flock wandering hither-and-yon, it would pay to manufacture one. And they do, believe it or not.
In fact it's my opinion that the majority isn't particularly racist at all and left to themselves will enjoy each other's food, marry each other's sons and daughters, and pretty much get on just fine. If they're left to their own devices, that is. But they never are. Instead we have an endless stream of people, Jewish more often than not, endlessly stoking the fires with their particular variety of under-the-radar racism. That link is just one example but it would be the easiest thing in the world to swamp you with an endless stream of more-of-the-same.
Sorry for being so tiresome mate. There you are thinking this is jolly and N will like it and what do I do? Tear strips off it! Terrible Terrible.
But it gets worse! What with not having put anything on the blog for ages it suddenly occurred to me that this was just the ticket and, believe it or not, I whacked it on the front page. If you were wondering why I was replying at such length (and in such a pompous tone) well there you go. I was addressing the masses, ha ha.
best,
n
PS. I should also mention that this gag has as its foundational starting point Muslims as crazed terrorists who hate us for our freedom. Don't argue because it's clear that as far as the gag is concerned there's nothing wrong with the idea of alert levels per se. Instead it merely wants us to laugh at the idiocy of the various races in failing to respond to them. I have told you that I think Al Qaeda is a con yeah? Bin Laden was always a CIA asset and he's been dead ten years. Did you know that the current big wheels in Al Qaeda are Jewish? I wrote about Adam Pearlman already and the other big deal, Yousef al-Khattab aka Joseph Cohen, you'll have to google for yourself. I mean honestly mate, if Al Qaeda is so desperate for mad Muslims that they have to recruit Jews, then - bloody hell! - it's as fake as a two-bob watch. Honestly!
