Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Jubus - eating their cake and having it too

Is everyone familiar with that phrase that denotes the doing of two mutually exclusive things 'To have one's cake and eat it too'? I don't know about anyone else but this phrase always bugged me - what was mutually exclusive about it? There is nothing in the expression to prevent and from functioning in terms of sequentiality, as in 'Go down the shop and get me a packet of Rothmans'. Surely one could have one's cake, and then one could eat it. Curious, I asked my English teacher. "Aha!", she said, "Everyone gets that wrong. The correct phrase is actually to eat one's cake and have it too." Lightbulb goes bink! Thanks Mrs. Smith, you're brilliant!

Now that we've sorted that out, and since we're on the subject of mutually exclusive things, how about them Jewish Buddhists? They're called 'Jubus' and allegedly they comprise twenty percent of American Buddhists. Who knew? Not me. Perhaps I should get out more. Or perhaps not. And for those who want to know what someone eating their cake and having it too looks like, it doesn't get any better than Jubus. If you look up oxymoron in the dictionary sure enough there's a picture of a Jubu.

For mine it is perfectly unsurprising that great swathes of the Jewish people are disenchanted with their religion. Well of course! The monstrous falsity of the idea that a perverse bloodline-obsessed God would play favourites (once removed, ha!) (And yes Ashkenazis, I'm talking to you) is just so obvious that any dimwit could figure it out. Sure enough, insane amounts of time and energy are spent turning Jews into self-obsessed gits whose genius can't travel beyond their own greatness. And following this travel analogy, part of the duty of those who herd the Jews is to perpetually scrawl the words 'Here be Monsters' on every uncharted bit of the map to make sure that no one strays.

But sure enough, Jews do stray. Perhaps they discover that the monsters are self-created chimeras and are unhappy with the Craig Murray-esque response, 'Yes, but that doesn't mean that real monsters don't exist'. Or perhaps they have trouble reconciling the blood-spattered irony of Jews as vicious inhuman exterminators running rampant on a turkey-shoot genocide in the world's largest ghetto? Or... perhaps they just want an experience that's more all about me than traditional Judaism is, ha ha ha. Who knows? Perhaps they're not unhappy at all. Perhaps they just function like the Borg from Star Trek so that everything not-them must be destroyed, owned, or subverted. That's been the lot of Christianity - why not Buddhism too?

What the fuck is this guy's problem? Why shouldn't Jews be Buddhists? Isn't that a good thing? Thank you Mr Google Drop-in, that was just the question I was hoping someone would ask. The thing is you see, is that Buddhists and Jews are polar opposites. Selflessness versus selfishness. One-with-the-universe versus us-and-them. The only certainty is change versus the only certainty is God and his special love of the Jews. Anyone who imagines that they can somehow embrace both of these propositions is a fool, or a hypocrite, or both. Never mind me, let's hear from the fools and hypocrites -
Some observers also note that Judaism and Buddhism share an understanding of the nature of suffering. For Jews, suffering has been an unfortunate constant throughout their history, culminating in the Holocaust and infusing contemporary Jewish culture with a theology of suffering to the extent that even alienated Jews have imbibed it... The Jerusalem Report quoted one Israeli living in Dharamsala... as saying: "It's so Jewish, you see, to always talk about suffering as Buddhists do."
Are Jewish people able to look at anything without tripping over themselves? What Buddhists posit as the single most fundamental and universal truth for all, Jews look at and declare, 'That's so Jewish!'. God spare me. And again -
In The Jew in the Lotus, Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi says he would like to request the Dalai Lama: "Give me a dharma talk addressed to Jews."
What? Like they're not regular people? And what the fuck does this Rabbi want to hear? That there is no self unless it's Jewish? That all is delusion but some delusions are better than others? Or perhaps all is delusion except for the voice of your grandmother -
Lew soon found himself surrounded by fellow Jews who had also sought enlightenment through Buddhism but who could not deny their Jewishness... both authors heard an inner voice of their grandmothers which returned them to their birth faiths
This from Alan Lew who spent ten years in Zen meditation only to fall at the hurdle of his grandmother. All that time and he couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that whatever his grandmother wanted to tell him was bullshit, another delusion amongst an uncountable many, simply one more thing to be dispassionately observed and let go of like a handful of smoke. His book by the way, he rather unsubtly titled One God Clapping which is a bit of pissweak, sub-editor wordplay attempting to disguise the otherwise unambiguous image of God applauding Lew. (Presumably for having quit the monastery and become a rabbi). And don't think that that image didn't occur to him. It did and that's why he went with the title.

Oh, and birth faith? We all roll our eyes. There is no such thing as a 'birth faith'. Right there in that pat two word expression (say it three times quickly - it even sounds stupid) is precisely the kind of complete nonsense required to explain the rightness of a God re-imagined as a father who madly singles out one of his children and awards them a privileged status.
Ultimately, any Buddhist Jew who is true to his Buddhism must engage his Judaism, for the simple reason that Buddhism subscribes to the Law of Karma... Ram Das replied that he had to face the karmic reality that he had been born as a Jew.
There's no end to the bullshit non-logic is there? Once more - no one is born a Jew and certainly not any as-caucasian-as-I-am Ashkenazi Johnny-come-lately. Whilst it's true that some genetics are inescapable and one need only look in the mirror to be reminded of them, when an Ashkenazi Jew looks in the mirror there's only one stark message they should be paying attention to, and that is - Stay Out Of The Sun. With white skin like that you're on a hiding to nothing for skin cancer. Everything else is bullshit. The above-quoted Mr Das (otherwise known as Dick Alpert) was not born a Jew.
That he was born is most certainly true
and of course he was told, 'You're a Jew'
But instead of great reverence
he should've met it with severence
by way of a loud 'Whoopty Doo!'
Is that poor of me? To deal with a fellow's oh-so-important self identification with a limerick? I don't see why. A tuppence for the limerick and a tuppence for any 'Buddhist' who can't let go of some story their parents told them. That story, earnestness in the telling or otherwise, is just a string of words - a contrivance, a construction, a clever meme. The fact that a meme has overcome environmental depredations and successfully replicated itself for a thousand years doesn't mean it's true. Nor that it's laudible. Do we laud lichen? It's been around for ages.

Not that I'm big on Karma (one can be a Buddhist without it you know) but let's concede that it exists. That being the case, Das's 'karmic reality' was to be told he was a Jew by his parents who were told the same thing by theirs. Let's imagine a fellow is told he is a thief - his father was a thief and his father before him, a long line of thieves going back a thousand generations. The whole point of karma is that such a thing should not be embraced. To embrace it is to invite more bad karma.

'Jews aren't thieves!' says our thin-skinned drop-in tripping over himself and missing the point as usual. Mind you they ain't no pumpkin pie neither but the purpose of the analogy was to knock down the idea that one must adopt the identity one is given by one's parents. But forget karma, all a Jubu needs to know is that all is delusion. And 'all' here includes any cherished self-definition. Hell, especially that. If an individual can't deal with a self-definition then everything that follows must and will be corrupt and no truth can be arrived at.

Taking another tack now, perhaps the Jubus might like to look to the fellow they profess to revere and whose name they cut in half to make their catchy moniker, ha ha. (Psst, Jubus, stop scratching your heads, I'm talking about the Buddha). The Buddha was Kshatriya, the highest level caste within a vicious Brahminist system. Did he ever embrace or otherwise espouse the rightness of Brahminism? Where was his so-called karmic reality? And what did his grandmother have to say on the subject? But then, Buddha's gran is one thing and whether he would have listened is another. I've never heard of Granny Ghautama but I do know that the Buddha left his palace, his father, and his wife and child. All of it - he left it all behind. According to legend when he returned to Kapilavastu after his enlightenment, his wife and child followed him in abandoning all that they had been before too. And not as some half-baked 'Brahbus' neither.

To all those Jubu heavies who've clocked up time in temples and been told all sorts of nice things by Buddhist priests who know precisely as much about Jews as Jews have told them... a Jew should and must make a false oath when the goyim asks if our books contain anything against them... well, that ain't me. A fig for the big names you know and a tuppence for your wall of starfucker photos. I ain't here to pat you on the back when you pull out a faith-based plum and say, 'What a good boy am I!' What would that achieve apart from furthering you in your perverse delusion of chosen-by-God, us-and-them specialness? What if the best I could do for you was to throw a bucket of cold water in your face and try to awaken you to the hard ugly truth that your 'Jewishness' is a delusion and an ugly one at that?

Hey Jubu - you want to wake up in this world of delusion? Well that ain't ever going to happen unless you wake up to yourself first.

Wake the fuck up!


This is the first part of a meandering effort I broke into three. The other two parts follow below.


Penny said...

gobsmacked, back with a vengence!
I will be back to read when I have more time....

Sabretache said...

Thanks once again. Your stuff is a real treat.

Not exactly consonant with the subject of the piece but, like you I too have a sort of soft-spot for dear Craig M. You clearly have his measure in a charming, indulgent sort of way.

If you ever make it to these God-forsaken 'British' Isles of our, do let me know. I could offer you a bed for a few nights in the Derbyshire Dales - which in themselves are a sort of consolation for the political nightmare I am otherwise required to inhabit.

Sabretache said...

PS - You seem to have double posted - hit the button twice or something - oops

kikz said...

oh, that was great :)

maybe that one hand - in actuality was doin somethin else, eh? *evil grin*

speakin of cognitive dissonance...
this cat takes the constitutional cake! a big brutha (yaweh) is fine by him, long as its his big brutha..and anotha big brutha frm anutha mutha (MilIndustCom)... he decries gov, but is a PR rep for the fukin army :) needless ta say, i sent him a few choice words *big grin*

told him he better watch what he wishes for.. if johnny can read/think, he'll be outofa job.
no mo cannon fodder.

anyway... thought you'd get a kick out of him.

off ta read installs 2,3.

Anonymous said...


Madsen: Diplomat pedophilia is widespread

nobody said...

Hullo Pen, I've just been catching up on everyone and there was some excellent stuff at your place. Very good.

Thanks Tache! I'm wondering if my jetsetting days are behind me really. But never mind... the Derbyshire Dales eh? Sure, sounds good. Anywhere where there's birdwatching. I've always wanted to see a wariangle.

Oh, and as for the double posting, it's showing up here as fine. But I know what you mean. When I did this recent post all sorts of weirdnesses took place. It was nothing like the monkey business Les Visible has been subjected to but it did make me wonder.

Hey Kikz, off to check him out.

Magdelena said...

Do they really call themselves Jubus?? That's pretty silly.

The idea of judaism and buddism being compatable is rather orwellian isn't it?

I've often thought that Christ's teachings were far closer to buddhism than the general tone of the Talmud/Torah.

Great piece though, and hey if they make a buck - it's g-d's will anyway right???



BTW - Happiest of New Years to you, glad to see you back to entertain and enlighten us all!!


Anonymous said...

Dear Mister Nobody
May you have a preposterous New Year sir.
Have you noticed US Secretary of State Ms Hillary Clinton is coming to visit me in the new year, the little vixen.
Therese is OK with this, she approves of our relationship.
We'll probably talk about Australian purchase of full body scanners and the like.
I'll ask if I can have a refund on my purchase of the 10m H1N1 vaccine shots as a deposit on the scanners. She’ll be putty in my hands.
I'll keep you in touch; I'm off to the bathroom.
Your Virulent Prime Minister Kevin M Rudd
Prime Minister for Australia

su said...


nobody said...

Hey Su, don't ask me mate! I got no idea. I'm all over the china shop like a mad woman's breakfasting bull.

And hullo PM, how oomphy you are today! Did someone put a viagra in your coffee? It's possible that that might help with Hillary, but somehow I doubt it. From what I understand (having read Cathy O'Brien's Trance-formation of America) Hillary prefers her men with Baphomet shaped scars on the inside of their vaginas. Which is to say, 'to be women'. And whilst I am prepared to believe that you pee sitting down, you having what it takes to get Hillary revved up I view as an unlikely prospect.

Ha! In a limericky mood, I thought it would be jolly to butcher a classic.

She'd barely touched down when, Ka-Boom!
Kev's dragged her up to his room
Where they argued a lot
About who would do what
And how, and with which, and to whom.

Ha ha ha ha ha, now that's a limerick!

Anonymous said...

I'm pleased the PM encourages you to wax limerickal Noby. Very good.

idiot sa said...

How's zis one, for nobody in particular:

While fucking one night, Kevin Rudd
in his ears Hillary's nipples got stuck
with his thumb up her bum
he could hear himself come
thus inventing the telephone fuck

idiot savant

Penny said...

was thinking, since I had this conversation with a true christian.

as claimed by the true christian.

who was pondering why the jewish faith rejects Jesus Christ, son of God.

So I thought on it....
Sibling Rivalry.
Since they are alleged to be the chosen ones, the chosen creation...
how could they embrace the actual son of God...
Classic Cain and Abel stuff...
Hey maybe I am way out there, but, it's what I think.

slozo said...

It would be tough to break out of the jewish mindset if one were born into Judaism, as 99% of them are. It's a brainwashing experiment starting from birth, just like many other religions, except that you have a huge and well constructed victim complex supported by every piece of media . . . so why wouldn't it seem like reality? It would take the most exceptional of minds to break free from such powerful and pervasive conditioning . . .

I personally don't think you need any religious doctrine or manual to understand "Be good, do right".

Not a jewish one obviously, not a christian one, and not even a Buddhist one.

idiot savant said...


don't have a mail of yours, please have a look at this, not long. Also on Les' desk. Like, HAARP + Norway + Haiti = Hiroshima



idiot savant

nobody said...

Monsieur Savant! Thanks for those charming comments before matey. I've been meaning to acknowledge them for a while but never got round to it due to dizziness etc.

Now! Don't do it again! On penalty of, um... a particularly biting limerick. As the bard said, the price of avoiding bigheadedness is eternal vigilance, or limericks, or something.

And cheers for the HAARP links. I've been meaning to check this out for ages and never quite got round to it. All saved to desktop and that's my evening's reading sorted.

idiot savant said...

Goody, also keep the site handy, it is a top notch portal to the biggest truths you never heard of, always balanced (ha!) and with a good woowoo detector. Way over a decade online. Shoestring and the real thing.

That limerick ... so funny. I know only one, and I remembered it from a book my parents had. No shit, that was 33 years ago. Ze only one!

I read the word limerick and the Rudd thing, and could not believe it that Mr. Rudd fitted right in there, replacing the original Dr. Zuck ("in his ears got his wife's nipples stuck"). I even could Hillary to fit in there (what a thought) and voila. Meant to be, eh?

But I'm no good with them on my own. Been trying one with the particle accelerator and that bird dropping the piece of baguette on that Moron Higgs Boson thingy ... no luck.

Better things to do. But a limerick can say it all in so little space. Like, twittering enlightening and hilarious subversive limericks is what those humanoids in parallel universes are likely doing right now ... while we putz around

Thanks to nobody in particular, the web language is getting more dangerous, and Clif High is taking note (eventually).

idiot savant

idiot savant said...

Any good haarpists down under?


More reading, really fresh and your way.

idiot savant

nobody said...

Thanks matey, Not bad. I had a bit of a wander around that site and I'm off to tell Buffy at her cloud blog. Just the ticket.

idiot savant said...

Hi genius,



will get you positively tingling along.

idiot savant

Anonymous said...

Dear Mister Nobody
(January 26th.) Just dropping in on this auspicious day Mister Nobody, to let you know my plan to scuttle the internet filter programme is well under way.
It'll work like my plan for global warming.
And after this little revelation I should have no fears about my ratings in the coming year.
Happy Australia Day Mister Nobody, to you and the rest of my fellow Australians (Oh! Except for our indigenous friends – of course, commiserations).
Your Prime Minister of Excellence
ps I don’t think Hillary is pleased with me – she told me we were just good friends, again and I’d bought new cloth nappies and all.

nobody said...

Thanks Savant, I like that guy! And who you calling a genius? I don't know... people come in here trying to pick fights...

And thanks PM! You were everywhere yesterday weren't you? So busy and yet still time to pop in here. As for Tony Abbott, I know I should hate him but I just can't. Perhaps I should see a shrink? It's worrying isn't it? Not forgetting of course that I wear speedoes...