Thursday, October 1, 2009

A Farewell to Aergia

Not that she gives a shit, but I've been a devotee of the goddess of idleness, Aergia, for many years now. Was there ever a goddess more demanding? Kali perhaps, ha ha ha. Aergia of course is the un-Kali. The only death Aergia ever demanded was that of one's sense of duty (to any but herself, that is). The inscription over the door of her temple reads 'Abandon all ambition, Ye who enter here.' Not that that ever deterred those whose heads echoed with her siren song. Here lay a refuge from that world of care, stress, and anxiety.

Genocidal man-made pandemics? Contrived global economic collapse? World War and a fascistic one-world government? Ha! Nothing more than shifting transient patterns in the golden brown smoke of the temple incense. I lie back and with red-rimmed eyes observe the hypnotic sinuous shapes as they lead me down assorted trails, and all of them to somewhere balmy and untroubled.

Geez, is that enough of that? "Stop the metaphor, I want to get off!" Okay, I admit it - I'm actually talking about marijuana. God, the marvellous times I've had smoking grass and the brilliant people I've met - I wouldn't swap it for anything. But. For every reason I might offer as to why dope is good, the obvious falsity of the argument becomes ever clearer the longer one persists: all drugs obey the law of diminishing returns.

Biochemical inevitabilities are one thing and Les Visible is another, ha ha. I have no idea what percentage of the people who visit here read Les as well. There was a time when my entire readership (all ten of 'em, ha ha) was actually Les', lured sideways from his temporal blog, Smoking Mirrors (where I spent all my time hanging out). For those who don't read him, you should - he's a hell of a writer. However, somewhere along the line I found myself being more and more taken with his spiritual blog, Visible Origami. I don't know if this is a personal irony but it's at the origami blog that Les holds up a mirror in which my hypocrisies are cast in stark relief.

In the origami mirror I see a fellow extolling the virtues of selflessness in one breath, and... dragging on a scoob with the next, ha ha. Cue the descent into self-indulgence! Never mind me cleverly dispensing with everything in the Reckitt-Benckiser/Colgate-Palmolive aisle of the supermarket: for every dollar I didn't spend there, I'd spend two in the Cadbury's chocolate and Arnott's biscuit aisle. Pathetic.

I'll concede that that's not so very dreadful really - penny-ante stuff - but that's not the point. Les' words of advice over at Origami are not those of an allopathic doctor discussing a minor symptom in isolation. Les' ain't that guy. His view is holistic and addresses what ails us in the widest terms imaginable. And I'm so there!

Ha ha ha ha... fucking hypocrite! I'm not there at all, nor anywhere close.

Truth is, I'm a fucking mess - cigarettes, coffee, and grass rule my life. Without I shed these, I'm going nowhere. Whatever I want to achieve, or to become, all is subordinated to the fact that I have to have a cigarette every forty minutes or so. Subsequently, there's nothing for it but to bid them farewell and the one which must go first is also the easiest - marijuana. And what with Aergia being such a sexy goddess I thought the least she deserved was a big send-off. Frankly a quarter of an ounce of the sacrificial incense would have sufficed but as it turned out I ended up with an entire ounce of organic North Coast hippy buds. Ayah! I've encountered a few heroic dope smokers in my time and after this brook-no-resistance effort, I declare myself one of them, ha ha. (BTW - Did anyone suss me out? The six pieces preceding the last one were all written stoned. It was obvious if you think about it).

Me and the goddess aside, here we are, each of us on our own journey. And we know full well that this trip ain't going to be any kind of business-class as usual - no comfy seats, no free glass of champagne, no forty kilos of luggage. Never mind economy, in case you missed it, we never got on the plane! We remain the ant-like nobodies ten clicks below, doing the whole thing on foot. And down here, it's travel light or forget about it.

And me? I haven't even started, ha ha. Hell, I'm still ditching suitcases! God knows how many I've tossed so far. But I'm getting somewhere and I've only a few left to go. And then, whatever's coming, I'll be as prepared as I can be.

Not forgetting of course that this runs in both directions. There's us and where we wish to go, and there's the death cult with their own fucked up thoughts on the matter. In terms of the relationship between these two things, Les gets it, and the people in his comment section rudely demanding some kind of battle plan, don't. Anyone expecting some variety of Iwo Jima flag-raising over a pile of Savile Row clad corpses is going to be disappointed. Not forgetting the falsity of the original event anyway...

Hold that image of victory in your head if you want to, but you'll merely be that monkey who won't let go of the banana in the trap. T'ain't nothin' can be done for that monkey without he lets go. Okay, so time to let go.

Seeya Aergia, it was fun while it lasted mate.


kikz said...

mornin noby,

my best advice... unsolicited of course :)

start slowly - stretchin that 40mins out...

as you have a lot on your plate (daddy).. even just this in itself w/be a major accomplishment.

took me quite a while to get to the point i could leave the house w/out em.

while you recognize the bud was deactivating - it has allowed you to shift perspective and afforded introspection for reassesment.

as for the caffeine monster... buy a small quantity of whole beans, they can be used under your tongue to stave off the crash headaches, and disassociate w/the liquid equivalent. much easier to transport, needs no water/heat.

on to les... such talent.
the only thing that bothers me...
origami is where i try to stay mentally. the lower vibe that emanates from mirrors & petri dish bangs the drum of 'this is what's wrong, this sukz'... peace must be made with the reality of ones' situation, but you can't get 'over there to the good stuff' if you're busied out - over here vibrating/beating the drum of 'it sukz - over here and i want to be over there w/the good stuff'.

we all have areas/conditions that we do the 'sukz here' vibe - but if any positive movement is to be made in the direction of 'good stuff'... you can't vibrate the 'sukz' vibe and get to the 'good stuff'.. the different vibes - won't jive.

while brutal assesment of current conditions is necessary - and helpful, one can not stay there - one must continue mindfully to a higher plane, the better thought.

i worry that a lot folks don't get that, and consider the necessary acknowledgement of 'this sukz' to be the end of the ride, stuck there... but never get to 'the good stuff'.. 'the better thought' which is the entire point.

well, i might pen more later.. gotta do my mornin school taxi run...

remb to be easy on yerself, noby:)

Franz said...

I know, I don't get around much anymore but I got an excuse. Wife needed TWO operations in the last few months, her hip, her arm. Rotator cup, something-something. Fucking doctors always looking for a reason to slice.

Still I read stuff. This struck a real chord. You're in KRATOM territory, aren't you? I mean, legal or not, you're there.

I turned the wife on to kratom after she got too much hurt, couldn't stand the hospital painkillers, and couldn't get her preferred alternative (mary jane).

WOW! Kratom is far more focusing and not as habit forming or anything. For pain, it's like the US pill Vicodin without the drawbacks. And it DOES make you more energetic...

I accept the shamanic notion that human action, like the Universe, moves in spirals. Nothing can be done when you spiral into lethargy. But sure as pea soup you spiral back out again. Kratom got me revved, I must say. For got or ill my energy finally woke up from the wife's funk. (I mean what the hell does that say about me? It's beyond pussy whipped when SHE gets hurt and I get into the funk.)

But I know the general neighborhood you're in, tho not the specifics. I get there and pretend I'm a dead Mayan. They dreamed of dying and being transported to the First Tree of the World where they drank cocoa all day and got fat forever. I been in moods where that sounds cool.

kikz said...

ps. wanted to add, my spell checker sukz…

and the reason I wrote earlier… I’ve had some recent experience living what hubz and I refer to.. as- the movie…groundhog day.

with all that we’ve had goin on in the last 5 yrs…bankruptcy, losing our home, movin in w/mom nextdoor, long period of readjustment.. then lastyr, w/daughter’s scoliosis surgery… I’ve had plenty of time to ponder things… because w/most of these conditions, it has been a case of ‘no possible positive physical countermeasure could be applied. simple endurance in the absence of total insanity/mental breakdown… that’s the ticket some daze. simple endurance.

many long scary nights/early mornings - kept company only w/my vacillating worry/fear – have shown me, truly the only thing that is w/in my power to control – is my mind. that’s where all this ends up in a bundle anyway.. in my mind. we create our experience, thru our thoughts.

being pummeled in the surf of emotions - toward the world at large and the world of personal physical/mental environs is a rough ride. but there is relief. incrementally, it can and will come.

if there is any sanity, any comfort to be found, any progress to be made – it is to be found w/in… the thoughts must be gently reinforced toward the positive. toward relief. toward feeling better.

sometimes one is at the very lowest end of the emotional spectrum, only baby steps can bring one slowly back to any comfort.

kind of like the stages of grief, most are familiar w/that process.

ya can’t jump from despondency straight to joy.. doesn’t work like that…the vibrational gap is too wide.

despondency to anger to revenge to general pissed, to oh well it sukz, to -it’s not so terrible, to - I can find humor in aspects of my situation, to -hey I’m feeling somewhat better at moments, to- I rarely feel bad, I’m seeing some light, to -the sun has risen the birds are singing and I feel like I can breathe again, etc. X3.

of course all this takes practice.. become practiced enough, you master your emotions and surf over em *dude*, riding those waves onto the beach – big kahuna style/cool.. not spat out, gasping and bleeding - after nearly drowning, pummeled in the surf.

it’s Epictetus, it’s the Kybalion, it’s visibile origami… it' why we're here...
and as m- m- m-maxx headroom always told us…

c-c-c-catch the wave!

big hugz noby*

idiotsavant said...

Awww maaan, that is so going to deprove your style. Kick the caffeine and the smokes and keep the grass handy for special occasions. Throwing out the baby if you ask me.

By the way, know of any poets who are not so territorial and share some that selflessness?


nobody said...

Yay Kikz, too cool mate, too cool.

Just on the immediacies, I was going to dazzle you with one of my standard gags about me being an expert at quitting what with having done it hundreds of time, when a fellow here at the library told me it was one of Mark Twain's. Bloody Mark Twain! It was just a complete fluke he was born way back when and got to say it first. Bastard.

Anyway, I've done this all before and I know precisely how hellish it's going to be. Never mind Grease - 'bleak' is the word. But I know that that's how it's going to go, so it oughtn't to affect me. Yeah right...

So, if I end up biting somebody's head off in here, don't take it personal.

Otherwise Kikz, I reckon you hit the origami/mirrors dichotomy on the head. Hmm... maybe better than you know. Or better than I know anyway. I'm going to have a bit of a think about that one...

Frank how you doing? Kratom? Wasn't that a book by John Wyndham? I'd never heard of it mate. But I have now! Very cool. According to wikipedia it's illegal here. I'll look into and see if I can find it.

Savant - I can dig it. My problem is that dope for me is governed by the philosophy of 'Smoke 'em if you got 'em' - my super powers of procrastination completely desert me when it comes to the bag of grass. And if I'm stoned I consume all. Frankly, what I'd like is to be able to do is wander down to the liquor store and buy precisely two joints for a Saturday night. But it seems I'm stuck between buying an ounce or forget about it. Three cheers for prohibition.

As is, I'll smoke again but not until after I've kicked the nicotine. Dope sings a siren song but nicotine doesn't need to since it has a chain around my neck. And it tugs on that chain dozens of times a day. Cigs - your best friend and worst enemy. (If that's one of Twain's, I don't want to know).

And territorial poets? What?

veritas6464 said...

And a fond Greeting to Nobody.. You know what, no? Of course not. Here's the thing; I gave up smokes and dope about five months - COLD TURKEY, not a puff since and now I get really sick in the company of smokers, cigarette smokers that is. I haven't been in the company of pot smokers for that long also, when they're smoking pot that is. I have a terrible stomach ulcer and I wheez like a fucker and get nauseous around cigarette smoke. So, I highly recommend doing what ever the fuck you want, based on no real examination of the facts and even less qualification. I have absolutely no right to give advice so go for it, and that's not advice, I'm just sayin' in yar own time; go on! I gave up smoking anything for all the right reasons and that was five fuck'n months ago, and if I survive the Yid progrom, I'll buy a cheap pair of sneakers and start jogging. Shit yeah, that's what I plan to do; start jogging. And then I'll update my blog, I haven't touched that pariah for five months.


tango3echo - straight as an arrow; unless doubled over in pain with a bloated stomach.

N.B: Love light & peace!

Magdelena said...

Hey Nobody,

All the luck with them cigs! It was the hardest thing I failed at, though the time of not failing - during my pregnancy and nursing was great. Not sure how and why it began again.

Short of getting with child once more, I don't think I could make the attempt so successfully as I did then, now. Though, I have managed to manage my ciggi problem. No smokes in the car, no smokes in the house (well, okay I break that one when the weather is cold and allow myself the disgusting indulgence within the boundary of my office (no where else in the home though). Which means of course when stressed (often) I tend to hide in the office. Weak I am.

Reefers on the other hand, are more like chocolate for me. I don't eat much chocolate - but when I get the hankering - it is good chocolate only (not the Cadbury or Hershey's crap, something German or Swiss) Then just as with the weed, I enjoy a little here and a little there - gosh an ounce can last me well into two or three months! Ha! Lately two hits fry me crispy!! Then the roach sits there waiting in vain, or longer, for me to resume. I am so good at saving and preserving the stash that others sometimes ask me to babysit theirs. (should I charge for this service?). Ahh greed, indeed.

Coffee, on the other hand - is only ever in the morning. Two cups. End. I have zero desire for it until the next time I wake. We have a coffee chain here in Canada, Tim Hortons, I cannot drink their swill - yet it has millions of addicts here in the cold northern lands. I have one sip of this stuff and start shaking, my heart races and I feel like I'm going to die. So, between the three - I think coffee would be the easiest to give up.

I should stop cigs - I hate them, but as stated, I am weak. Coffee, I don't see as a problem, as I don't really drink enough of it. Cannabis, I don't want to give up - I enjoy it, so fuck it - I'm going to keep enjoying it, I feel no need to do otherwise.

Swearing, on the other hand I simply must fucking stop.

Buffers the Bongholder.

idiotsavant said...

You got the best soundbit first, nobo: start slowly. If you can not extend it from 40 to 60 to two hours, what makes you think you can kick it FOREVER?

Perhaps a point to make is Habit. Versus Novelty. Habit as in expanding power, lying, deceiving, disbelieving, that nasty child sacrifice thing, and calling Henry the K. It all has some sort of habit once it gets going. Habit keeps it all turning. Guess it is hard to quit. It is also all over nature and makes it tick.

Modify the habit instead. Smoke five cigs in a row, you won't be back for another so soon.

The bland part is the no-pot part. Physical exercise is a must when you want to change habits, and of course you are not doing much of anything in that respect, right?

I was asking whether you know of good independent thinking blogs with less territorial dog poets running the show. You don't get through because it is a carerfully crafted show where the weeding out is happening just like in any other MS media. It probably says in its instructions that you have the right to shut up and agree to be less visible.

It is a product, so you can't be funny, irreverent, bizarre (!) or redundant (?) at the holy shrine of visible okibana unless your timing and luck is really out there.

So that leads me to breaking a habit, deleting three bookmarks and thereby freeing much-needed time and brains for things demanding attention (other bookmarks). I rather find out when Lloyd Pye raises the 200 grand to get the nuclei DNA test done on the Starchild Skull of which we already know that the mother was human and the father not.

But if you do have a nice place on the web to point out and I have missed it, as I just stopped by, please share it. I can always give it to someone else when I do not need it anymore.


nobody said...

Thanks T3E, I love this bit mate - 'So, I highly recommend doing what ever the fuck you want, based on no real examination of the facts and even less qualification.' Ha ha ha, exactly! Like I always say, 'I'm just making this shit up as I go along'.

And Buff - yup. After ten years of ten cups a day (in the post-production biz there's no such thing as a post-house without an all-you-can-drink espresso machine) I cut down to two. But even that's got to go. A coffee without a cigarette is like a cigarette without a coffee, if you know what I mean.

As for your ability to hold onto grass - absolutely you should charge for it! Do you know how many dope smokers I know that wish they had someone to hold their dope for them? Good God. Nah, just joking. Good on you for doing that, though - I'm sure you're friends are grateful.

And Savant, you're a hard man. Well, you're certainly hard on Les. I'm thinking that whatever it is you don't care for in him or his work, it has to be outweighed by what he gives us. And he does it for nix, remember. Frankly I think Les is one of the most extraordinary people ever. I could certainly fault him, but that's meaningless given that there isn't a writer alive or dead I couldn't do this for. As is, I'm thankful for what he gives us. Thanks Les!

As for pointing you at other people, I'm sort of doing less and less of 'other people' now. Do you read Jeff Wells at all? Just in terms of sheer dazzling ability to write he might just be the top of the heap. Mind you, his last piece (his first in ages) really had me scratching his head. As for my regular hits, they're all there on the front page.

Otherwise mate, you're doing a very good impression of that fellow who goes into the cafe and asks if there's anywhere nearby that has decent coffee. You know what I mean?

nobody said...

Actually speaking of other people, I'm starting to tire of Craig Murray. His bagging out of Ahmadinejad is one thing, but his constant use of the old 'anti-semite' chestnut is just too perfectly tiresome. Perhaps the best thing about his blog are the commenters - a very savvy crowd. In amongst it, they pile in over and over to set Craig straight (Sabretache doing a brilliant job lately) but it never seems to penetrate his skull.

Hmm... I was about to link to the conversation in question but it seems that Craig's blog is off the air. That wouldn't be on account of his outing a cove by the name of Rory Stewart (who's running for parliamentary pre-selection) as an MI6 agent would it?

If anyone's interested, google 'Craig Murray Iain Dale's Bracknell Campaign' and click on the cached version. I'll check back in on Monday and see what's shaking.

Ciao Ciao

slozo said...

Well, I have a simple philosophy: never get chained to your habits.

I had to take a hard look at myself back in the day about drinking, and I physically had to make it very difficult for myself to do so - I took myself out of those situations where I would drink, that is.

It's too bad you didn't realise that cigarettes taste like total shit the first time you tasted one, never to have one again.

I have a feeling that idleness is part of your problem . . . and breaking out of habits successfully almost always requires changing the other habits that support the one you want to quit. Another poster here suggested physical exercise, and that is what I would also offer as an excellent substitute for smoke breaks. The health of the body, is directly related to the health of the mind, my friend.

I stay healthy and have a puff of a cigar and a toke once in a blue moon, btw. And I say this as I am having my 4th glass of wine late on a Sat night . . . but if you don't enjoy life, you are wasting it.

Getting chained to bad habits blocks many joys of life . . . good luck getting unchained, Nobody.

Edo said...

"I'm starting to tire of Craig Murray."

Me too.

It's like watching a romantic film where you really want the characters to get it on, they keep getting close, but never actually, GET IT on.

I fucking hate all that romantic shit anyway!

Penny said...

a farewell to doing nothing, or just a farewell to the worshipping of doing of nothing?

Nobody, you've been quittin smokin since I first posted here.

It is a tough crutch, to be sure.

I can't help you with it, my smoking days ended long ago. Oddly enough when I hit my early twenties, I quit, and that was it.

caffeine however, two cups a day and I am done.

kikz gave you a good suggestion, take it easy on yourself.

Quite frankly, you are the best quitter I know!

Maggie: I hear ya on the timmies, I don't know what is in that stuff, but my god....It'll give you a heart attack.
The coffee is better at home. If I don't get any take out coffee, I can splurge on the organic fair trade stuff, which btw I got some really good stuff - sumatra- dark, good coffee in the am.

Destiny said...

Good luck giving up the cigs :) best thing I ever did and like you I had to give up coffee for a while - the two go hand in hand - I used to wake up and the first thing I would reach for was a cig and a coffee - yep that was breaky lol

I read Les' blogs all the time but don't post comments because I feel out of my depth ( don't feel clever enough )

nobody said...

Aargh! I hate it when everybody understands me better than I understand myself. Or do I love it? Um... it's one of those two things. Anyway, everyone hit the nail upon my head, and quite right too.

Hullo Destiny, I'm waiting for you to write a new thing you know. Sorry I haven't commented lately. I was in idleness mode sure enough. And you're not clever enough to comment at Les'? That doesn't stop anyone else. And it certainly never stopped me, ha!

Otherwise I've got a nearly finished epic on the desktop. And whilst it might be pretentious self-satisfied crap at least there's a lot of it.

su said...

Well desire for cigarettes stopped 3 years ago.
Desire for ganga over 8 months, 3 hours and 45 minutes ago.
Scotch and coffee vanished 6 weeks ago.
Difference - well slowly, very slowly the irritability fades and the mood is more constant.
Just no fucking peaks anymore.
That goofed self satisfied smile has long vacated this face.
Often with tokers and I just watch and listen - no desire arises - the strangest thing.
No more of those brilliant insights that fade with the new day.
Pioneering this world without neural mothers milk.
Gotta wean oneself sometime.

james said...

Su said, "Pioneering this world without neural mothers milk.
Gotta wean oneself sometime."

So well said, Su

nobody said...

Hey Su, ha ha ha, 3 hours and 45 minutes, eh? How precise you are mate. Otherwise I'm down with James. Very good.

Oh! I meant to comment over at your place about your son's adventure. I can't remember who it was that said that fifteen was very young but that precise thought occurred to me too. But it all ended well with all sorts of useful experiences gained. This may sound completely soppy and daft, but I wish I'd had a mum like you, ha ha. Onya mate.