Thursday, June 11, 2009

flu-like symptoms... must remember... to panic...

Today's Question -
The difference between swine flu and regular flu is... ?
(answer below)

Yep, I have 'flu-like symptoms'. Whilst I haven't been to the doctor (and nor shall I bother), I'm just going to take it as read that I have the dread lurgy swine flu. Dread lurgy or no, it seems the only sensible response is to wig out and go completely batshit. Mind you, that's not to say that I can't wail, gnash my teeth, run melancholy mad, and type at the same time. With my brain as Pandora's box, it seems the only thing left is the autonomic qwerty function.

I expect you're probably sitting there thinking, 'Wah! Nobody you are really great!'. Well, yes I am, and modest with it, but you might want to think again. Because if you've read this far, and you're not wearing a mask, you're infected too. Sucked in! You didn't know that you can catch swine flu merely by reading an infected blog did you? Well you can. What with running melancholy mad, I figure if I'm going to die screaming (and typing), I may as well take you all with me. Don't argue, the Jim Jones logic is iron clad. Anyway, you've only a few hours left and as soon as you've finished here you should rush out and get that CD of Larry King reading the old testament.

You, me, Larry King, we're all fucked. It's a pandemic! BTW - the word pandemic is a combination of 'dem' which means 'people' and 'panic' which means 'panic'. Therefore, everyone must go bonzo zonko. I certainly am. Right this minute, I am at the public library nude from the waist down with a bowl of blancmange clapped on my head singing the Yah Di Bucketty song. As I type, sure enough. In between times I periodically yell, 'Back off man! I've got swine flu and I'm not afraid to cough!"

Seriously though, swine flu (otherwise known by its kosher name of H1N1) is so singular and horrific that everything we ever knew about flu, or illness, or anything at all, must now be thrown out the window. If swine flu makes no sense, then clearly it's your common sense that's coming up short.

There is only one way to view swine flu and that is with your brain locked in a paroxysm of fear. Which goes some way in explaining how otherwise sensible people like Lee Lin Chin on Australia's SBS news thought it right to declare that the swine flu toll in Australia now stands at 1400 or so. Um, Lee Lin, as much as I admire that Hong Kong private school clipped enunciation of yours, your English actually leaves a lot to be desired. This on account of the fact that 'toll' means 'number of dead people'. As you and I both know, the actual 'toll' of swine flu in Australia is 'zero'. Or to express it as a percentage, that would be, um... zero.

Apparently, the concept of zero was a very late arrival in the field of mathematics. Funnily enough, I just recently saw a documentary by Terry Jones (my second favourite Monty Python member) that charted the whole history of zero. But it seems that Jones failed to consider another theory as to why it took so long for humans to get their heads around the concept. What if the very thought of zero filled the human mind with terror and gave people a variety of brain freeze? That would certainly explain why every single person on the telly here, keen to tell us how big a deal swine flu is, baulks at mentioning that not one single person has died from it.

Okay, okay, people have died from swine flu. What's the toll in the US now? Mysteriously it's no longer being mentioned in the news. Somehow I suspect that it's not as high as the 30,000 or so who die in every other regular flu season. Would I be right in thinking that the US toll isn't so much in the tens of thousands, or thousands, or hundreds, but actually in the tens? The low tens? Funnily enough this would qualify swine flu as a something very special - the least fatal flu ever.

Oh, wait, that spot would have to belong to bird flu. Anyone remember that? It was going to kill us all. It was such a big deal that when I went to Shanghai for a job at the height of the bird flu scare, everyone thought I was crazy - even the Chinese, ha ha. I remember sitting in a Hainan-Chicken restaurant with a dozen guys all keen to know if I wasn't scared of catching bird flu. I merely asked them if they knew anyone with bird flu, or even if they knew anyone who knew anyone with bird flu. Ha, a table full of Chinese boys scratching their heads. Perhaps bird flu is bullshit, boys. You ever think of that?

And then there was the head of Vietnam's bird-flu programme who declared that the bird flu 'cure', Tamiflu, was precisely as efficacious as a placebo and, to all intents and purposes, completely worthless. Bloody foreigners! What would they know? Best we pay them no attention. I wonder if Donald Rumsfeld, a major shareholder in Gilead, the makers of Tamiflu, got on the phone and had that tiresome gook killed? Says our Donald - "We'll teach him to forget who won the war!"

Never mind those worthless foreign jibber-jabberers, how about that virologist at the Australian National University? He declared the swine flu virus was man-made, the product of a lab. That story made the Melbourne Age and then sank without a trace. Quite right too. Bloody experts! What would they know? As for his theorising that the virus must have escaped from the lab accidentally, um... yeah, it's not a complete impossibility I suppose. But between that and the virus being deliberately released by murderous motherfuckers, it's pretty long odds. Hey Prof! Stick to the viruses mate. Leave the theorising about murderousness, or lack thereof, to people who don't have their heads glued to a microscope.

Like Aangirfan! Sure enough, everyone's favourite school girl collective had this thing pegged as a psy-op on day one. And given the inverse ratio of hype to actuality you'd have to say the Caledonian convent crew are right. But a psy-op to what end? As yet another episode in the perpetual instillment of fear, it's looking like something of a washout. With the zero death rate here, Australians (or those who don't have an autocue in front of them) aren't taking much of it seriously. The TV news briefly carried a story of people having 'swine flu parties', à la kids and measles. Sure enough some party-pooper health official drone declared that this was a bad idea. Good luck with that, mate! Between you and zero, only one of them isn't bullshit.

But wondering at the psy-op, it seems the question is - have the death cult PTB got it wrong? Were they hoping that more would die? Right this minute, are the creators of this virus being scolded? "You told us that this would have a 25% mortality rate! What do we pay you for? We'd be better off with monkeys!" Or perhaps the psychological warfare mob are copping it? "You told us that there would be mass panic! What do we pay you for, etc. etc."

Or perhaps this dip in public credibility is intended - so that when the predicted (which is to say 'prepared') mutation arrives and the bodies start piling up, the effect will be even stronger? "See, we warned you about this and you didn't take us seriously and you were off having your silly parties while we were busy building internment camps and now you've only yourselves to blame if you're behind barbed wire."

But who knows how all this will go? Not me. All I know is that I have the flu. Okay, so let's times me by 1400 and we've got a bigger number. Now times it by zero. Hmm... 1400 x 0 = 0. Put this with zero WMD's, and with zero al qaeda, and perhaps we can make a rule? Nobody's media rule - Media hype is in inverse proportion to reality. Which is to say, the bigger the story and the more people there are intent on telling us that we must be scared, the greater the likelihood, and degree, of bullshit. Ha! Never mind the bowl of blancmange, I'm a bloody genius!

Answer to today's question - Beats me!


Anonymous said...

Dear Mister Nobody
I have all of this under control- I've just ordered/bought 10,000,000 doses of Tamiflu for you and your fellow Australians (because I ordered so many 'shots' Dick gave us a discount).
Included melody courtesy of Harry Houseago- Ode to Tamiflu
Looking after Australians one at a time,
I remain
Your PM
Kevin Michael Rudd
ps Did you catch my beautiful wife's pin-ups in WD?

Anonymous said...

'Or perhaps this dip in public credibility is intended - so that when the predicted (which is to say 'prepared') mutation arrives'

It does make you wonder !! Is this a softening up process. ABC and SBS like to mention often that it is going to mutate. Are the creeps up to something - it seems extreme and unvelievable but apparently there are truly evil creeps who want to drop the Australian population.

Don't you love the name Tamiflu - sounds a bit too friendly to me - wouldn't touch it with a 10' barge pole !!

Things are getting weird in Australia Nobody , there seems to be an agenda getting into top gear. These evil creeps in power are all acting nice while they are up to diabolical things .
I wish people would wake up.

Swine Flu "planted" in Australia

Anonymous said...

From Belgium,

For those conspiracy theorists out there, swine flu was supposed to be the trailer and Tamiflu the main event but that one seems to have hit the floor and flopped. Anyway Mr. N, first bleary eyes and then a bleary brain, we do feel for you. That library must be filled with Crocodile Dundee types to see you sitting around like that. – “Beterschap” as we sometimes say over here. Here is a two parter on everything you wanted to know or not know about swine flu – enjoy.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Btw, whilst we are talking directly to each other, I secretly knew you weren’t maligning me. We get through a lot of serious stuff here and other places and I was just having a phew moment and sometimes I lighten up a bit.
Since I very obliquely introduced the subject of duelling here is a bit of trivia nonsense. Paraguay is the only country where duelling is still legal but, here is the kicker, both parties to the duel must be registered blood donors. Now can anyone tell me how they are going to get blood out of a corpse? Maybe they have to give it in advance, if I was really interested enough I would find out.

Kikz & Von Curtis

You guys sure gave me a read there and I am always willing to be stood corrected. I didn’t get through all of the M & D, just chapter 10 and enough to get the flavour. I haven’t been into that WWlll site for ages. At one time you used to be able to access the Kabala through it, just to know what you were up against. Whilst it is sound policy to know your enemy it is hard to figure his agenda. Putting so much supposed research into it you would have thought he would have known about the M & D and the Vatican’s refuting of the Pike Mazzini letter. Is he for real or is he a charlatan double gamer? Sometimes the last person you talked to has its rewards.

Yes people are waking up, particularly in the East, maybe the PTB didn’t see the internet coming and maybe they are using it to promote diversions and get people looking the wrong way as Mir says.

VC says “What a comfort for western hedonistic leaders who say that the whole world is facing the crunch and collapse when the truth is otherwise.” I don’t want to be offensive but what truth is otherwise? The Global European Advance Bulletin has been beating the collapse drum since 2006 and these guys are clued up. It is a subscription thing but here is the taster for their latest offering although you can go through back tasters.!-Global-systemic-crisis-June-2009-When-the-world-steps-out-of-a-sixty-year-old-referential_a3248.html

On the WWlll Forum site here is, what the author admits is an off the back of a fag packet theory which has a certain charm about it.

nobody said...

Thanks PM,

Nice of you to drop in. Sorry I didn't catch Therese's gym moment. But honestly, shades of Princess Di! And as my lecturers at design school used to say, 'If you're going to rip off an idea make sure it's a good one'. And since Di was such a legendary self promoter, I think you've done well to borrow her accidentally-done-a-purpose 'photographed in the gym' gag. You get yourself in the magazines and can act like a victim afterwards! Brilliant.

Otherwise PM - 'fair shake of the sauce bottle' - dear, oh dear. What were you thinking of? Just quietly, I think you should give the Australianisms a wide berth mate. It's SO not you.

Hmm... to help you out, I've thought of some other phrases you should avoid -

'Don't come the prawn cocktail with me.'
'I was flat out like a lizard having a sip.'
'There was nothing within yeeha.'
'Two yachts of ale please barperson.'
'Good day mate.'

nobody said...

And thanks VC. On the subject of swine flu, it seems like we're nearing a tipping point in terms of public disbelief. And it seems that it's sports what done it.

All codes are in chaos. Any number of players are in quarantine and teams like the Brisbane Broncos are in virtual revolt. The NRL stepped in and ordered them to play this weekend, understrength team or no.

Fox Sport news today features the presenters shaking their heads, rolling their eyes, and out and out declaring that swine flu is in fact just regular flu. So far they seem incapable of taking one tiny step further and asking the obvious questions - 'What the hell is going on here? Why has he government and the WHO made such a big deal out of this? Why is this being upgraded (upgraded!) to a pandemic? Why are they closing schools and putting people in quarantine?

Never mind the self-referential 'And why is the media going along with it?'

Ha ha ha, fat chance of that!

Franz said...

Hi nobody!

What fries my butt isn't the shit vaccines they come up with that we don't need. It's the ones they got we DO need (or could use) that they hide and pretend don't exist.

Vaccine for cancer, 100% effective, buried in 1935. It's GOT to be true, Henry Makow said so. Sort of.

Then there's the dental vaccine. Never lose a tooth! Never need a filling! No flouride in the water, not anywhere! Buried since... drumroll... 1984.

They're either utter pricks or they get some wicked pleasure out of everyone's pain. Or BOTH.

Keep on 'em. Stress causes dental problems. All the scumbags might yet die of impacted wisdom teeth.

nobody said...

Thanks Frank,

No worries mate. I don't know that the death cult PTB even knows who I am but I shall certainly do my bit to ensure that Dick Cheney's teeth fall from his head. Mind you, between dedentition by blogging and just planting the fat end of a pick-axe handle in his mouth, the latter would be so much more satisfying, don't you think?

Geez, that'd make a great pay-per-view wouldn't it? To hell with Buddha, I'd happily pay five dollars to see Dick Cheney spitting his own teeth out.

Oh wait. He hasn't got false teeth has he? Knocking his dentures out would be, I don't know... weird, or pathetic, or something.

su said...

When the news broke of the outbreak one could feel the panic waves - but they just sort oscillated out of existence.
One death here, two there, WHO declares a pandemic - based on what.
I seriously think it was meant to kill at least a quarter of the worlds population.
But what I love about life is things never go according to plan.
Codex and all those subtle poisons, such as fluoride and its likes in addition to gm, have probably altered the human body to such an extent that we have gained an immunity to the very things that are being designed to kill us.

Well back to the drawing board - and Nobody you had flu like two months ago - eat some oranges for gods sake.

Von Curtis said...

- 'fair shake of the sauce bottle' -

That was truly weird Nobody when Rudd said that - sent a chill through me actually. These people are acting BIG TIME.
They are up to something really nasty Rudd, Roxon, Guillard, Wong and the rest of them and the so-called phony opposition. They seem to be all in this conspiracy against ordinary people. Are they the extreme right or the extreme left or just dangerous programed psychopaths working for the megalomaniacs who have run the world for a very long time.

Interesting comments on

Left Wing vs Right Wing political views are much more like a circle. At the extremes they come together to form the lunatic fringe.
Hitler said that the best Nazi recruits were ex communists.

'Time For A Second American Revolution' by TRANSPARENT Gorby

Magdelena said...

I'm thinking that airplanes spewing out these wierd clouds would be a wonderful dispersement method.

We all know that the PTB would like to lower the World's population to under a billion.

So who is going to bury all the bodies??

Now, nobody - get busy drinking your ginger tea and you'll soon feel better. If not, have a drink.

Penny said...

the difference between swine flu and regular flu is......

one enables big pharma to engage in massive profit taking, the other one, not really

one enables the powers that be, to spread fear, the regular flu , not so much.

similarily, they will both make you sick, and some people may die from both?

Dick Cheney's dentures, ewwww.

nobody said...

Um Su, either I'm going mad or you've confused me with somebody else. I haven't had a cold or flu for a couple of years best I can recall. I have a great constitution and am almost never sick.

Otherwise it's my opinion that I only got this lurgy because I was forced to visit the doctor in order to get a referral to an ophthamologist. As far as I was concerned this was none of the GP's business. I knew I needed an ophthamologist, and I was right. The GP didn't bring anything to the party except for a bill for his time and an opportunity for me to come into contact with sick people.

As much as I like a public health system the medical profession treats it like an all you can eat buffet. They'll kill it eventually.

Anonymous said...

The media may be doing BIG DISTRACTION with the swine flu while they bomb the hell out of Pakistan and go for their NWO and global control of energy resources. The mongrel b#stard gas corporations are moving in on us and our neighbours all around this area.
I wrote this article 'Gas pipelines, energy resources and being a strategic location - Azerbaijan, Afganistan, Australia.....'
They have massive power against us as they have corporate governments, the media, shareholders and super and investment schemes backing them.

Von Curtis said...

Actually it is interesting how lately the other BIG DISTRACTION football came together with the suspect distraction swine flu AND also going for schools and young children getting families especially mothers all worried about the kids getting swine flu.

Anonymous said...

From Belgium

I am popping back in with a little more on the, ‘is the economic crisis real’ subject. Here are some graphs that even I can understand.

We seem to be at the part of the On the Beach story where one Australian docker has just fallen over with radiation sickness whilst everybody else is looking at their feet and kicking stones and saying “nothing to do with us”. What I find amazing is the surrealism of normal everyday life but as is sometimes said; there is nothing wrong with panicking so long as you are not the second one to do it.

kikz said...

could be the declaration of 'pandemic' is needed to allow for some buried 'power' they can exercise if such is declared... WHO knowz>:)?

bringin it fwd frm the last posting..

belg -
glad you availed yourself of my links :)

kabala? don't waste your time..
ya want adversarial game theory?
read the babylonian talmud....
there's one schizophrenic fukin' game theory...
it may even be on sacredtexts...
Uncle Al's a hard read.
he was one well and self educated man for his day.

i did finally find the degree/page

pg 859: sublime prince of the royal secret, 32'

lower 1/3....

"- Of that Equilibrium between Good and Evil, and Light and Darkness in the world, which assures us that all is the work of the Infinite Wisdom and of an Infinite Love; and that there is no rebellious demon of Evil, or Principle of Darkness co-existent and in eternal controversy with God, or the Principle of Light and of Good: by attaining to the knowledge of which equilibrium we can, through Faith, see that the existence of Evil, Sin, Suffering, and Sorrow in the world, is consistent with the Infinite Goodness as well as with the Infinite Wisdom of the Almighty.

Sympathy and Antipathy, Attraction and Repulsion, each a Force of nature, are contraries, in the souls of men and in the Universe of spheres and worlds; and from the action and opposition of each against the other, result Harmony, and that movement which is the Life of the Universe and the Soul alike."

.... so if i have to decide which sentiment is true... the unverified letter attributed to Uncle Al yammering of some Luciferian agenda and fomenting of world wars w/soem italian nutter...

or his own words, which are entered into the Library of Congress of the US....

i'll bet on Uncle Al. ;)

thx noby, for allowin my rant :)

nobody said...

Thanks folks,

And once again apologies for skipping a day posting the comments. To a certain extent this is the new way-things-are. I'm thinking I'll write a post to explain it all.

Thanks VC, sports is interesting. At the moment the atmosphere for sportsmen is so oppressive it's nuts. Every day seems to bring a new episode of some sportsman grovelling to the media for the media-declared shortcomings in his character. Surely one of them will snap shortly and tell the media to go fuck themselves. Surely? Anyway I might write something about it.

And thanks FB and Kikz. FB I saved that page to desktop and will read shortly. And Kikz, don't stop on my account. I groove on the people here talking to each other. Mind you, I ain't helping with the constant lag in posting your comments...