Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I save Israel's bacon

My heart bleeds for Israel. And never more so than now. Israel currently faces a dilemma unlike any it has faced before. Previously Israel's enemies adopted various battlefield strategies, only to see them all fail. This is because they picked the wrong battlefields. Only one battlefield counted, and that was that of public perception.

Israel, by way of the Jewish bloc-media, always held that theatre. They set the terrain, made all the rules, and decided all the outcomes. Thus Israelis were ever the blameless victims whose evil enemies deserved whatever spectacular viciousness the Israelis inflicted upon them. The US congress would applaud and send yet more money in honour of Israel's plucky selfless gallantry.

But lately an extraordinary thing has taken place. The Israelis face a battlefield not of their own contrivance. They don't own the theatre anymore. A group called Free Gaza has seized the initiative. They will sail their boat 'The Free Gaza' into Gazan waters and deliver relief supplies to the Palestinians. The Israelis are faced with a situation that will attract world attention and in which they cannot cast themselves as victims. Regardless of what they do they will lose. Do they stop the boat, board it and arrest everyone? Do they let it sail on? It's the cleverest thing since Octavian sent Mrs Antony to visit Mr Antony at Cleopatra's Palace. The Israelis are, like Antony was, shit up a creek.

Of course this goes against God. It certainly goes against his chosen people. And God pity any people who have the temerity to deny Jewish people the right to control how others view them. Death is the least they deserve. With this in mind, and in a spirit of wishing to do my humble best for the greatness of the Jewish nation and people, I have come up with the following cunning plan. By my best count it is a three-fer and, by way of money, everyone should make out like bandits. Israel will sink the Free Gaza and blame it on Iran.

Here's the plan -

1 - Find an old F-14 Tomcat and transport it to a secure Israeli air-force base. Ideally it'll be in going condition. Paint it up in Iranian Air Force colours. This will be packed with explosives and flown into an Israeli coastal town after the attack. Make sure you have cameras on hand. This should provide spectacular footage.

2- Tell the Americans to provide two Stealth fighters to fly 'stealth' into Iran and 'non-stealth' out of it, crossing Iraq to coincide with the attack. They don't go anywhere near the ship and actually land in Israel. Find out what kind of payload a Stealth can carry. Perhaps you can use them to fly some drugs in? I'm just trying to maximise the profit aspect of each part of this exercise. Ideally each compartment will pay for itself. And when the US Air Force comes for free, so much the better.

3 - To ensure the stand-down of the US military, announce the first annual 'Israel Congratulates America' holiday and gala performance to fall on the day before the Free Gaza is to be sunk. This year's honorees are to be the brave US military personnel who've done so much to heroically bring freedom to the people of the Middle East. The US can fly them in from Iraq and any other places where they might be able to put a stopper in the plan. Organise a gala performance with Barbra Streisand and a host of A-listers. This will provide brilliant media footage of thousands of ecstatic US military personnel in full-dress rig waving Israeli flags. All military personnel are to be provided with a 'personal assistant' for the duration of their stay. I'm thinking the individual officers can fill out a preference questionaire beforehand asking about whether they prefer a male or female PA. The PA's will be responsible for the date-rape drugging of their charges who will then be photographed in bed with children. They'll each wake up to the news of the Iranian attack and a quicktime of their own personal child blowjob. Ever the loyal servants of Israel, they.

5 - Before the bombing, jam all the Free Gaza's radio frequencies. The Israeli Air Force now bombs the Free Gaza. The first target should be its communications ability. Then napalm the decks. Have helicopter gunships machine-gun the lifeboats and any survivors. Finally, fire a missile that will definitely sink it. Just in case it doesn't sink keep John McCain on hand to handle the cover up. His father did a cracking job last time round in '67.

6 - Launch an hysterical media campaign about Iran's shock sinking of the Free Gaza. The line will be - Iranian militants violently opposed to the Free Gaza's spirit of non-violent resistance, and in support of their terrorist Hezbolla allies, have sunk the Free Gaza killing all on board. One Iranian plane will be nominally shot down at sea by the Israeli Air Force, heroically doing the job that the Americans seemed incapable of doing. The pilot of the other F-14 will take the role of suicide bomber with his plane crashed by remote-control into an innocent Israeli town killing six million people (just joking. Would 600 people be about right? I'll go with your call on this.)

7 - Casus Belli Mission Accomplished! There's nothing for it now but to have Israeli kids write their cute messages of hate on the nosecones of the Iran-bound nukes.

And there you have it! A public relations disaster turned into a public relations victory. The battlefield initiative retaken. Those who thought they could take on the Jewish state in the theatre of public perception will have been taught a lesson. And anyone out there thinking they might do likewise, will know the price to be paid. And all it took was ambition to the point of hubris, a preparedness to kill innocents and sacrifice one's own people, a mastery of blackmail and it's subsequent control of a US military golem, a millenia-long superior ability to play the victim, and finally, the utter certainty that God's chosen people can do no wrong.


Anonymous said...

You're a cynical bastard, you know. And it takes one to know one, as they say.

But you must exercise caution with these real-politik exercises; or you may find yourself "recruited" -- willingly or not.

They're always looking for a "few good men", you know. Who can handle the truth -- with a word processor.

I came to the realization some years back that the only folks who actually understand the scope and scale of the f**ked games being played on the western group mind are the ones actually capable of doing the playing.

When my writing "career" veered into contract work for an LA-based PR firm with specializing in tech clients -- and I found myself having to say positive things in feature articles about the accuracy of missiles and the efficiency of defense satellite programs and the massive Boeing/DoD program that was the Comanche helicopter -- I knew things had gone too far.

With my hyperactive conscience in the throes of near-constant and uncontrollable epileptic seizure, my body began to follow suit. After a couple years, I found it nearly impossible to swallow my sense and pump out top copy for the monsters paying my bills.

So I ran for the hills. And here I remain, renovating the redoubt and seeing to a steady supply of ultra-local eats requiring minimal cash input.

And now, five years later, my "creative side" is finally beginning to emerge from a self-imposed shell, where it has been hiding in shame while I sorted through all the rationalizations and worked my life into line with my moral and ethical stance.

So, while this post may work as an exercise is beautifully cynical exposure, it also reveals that you are beginning to think very much like them -- and that can only lead to bad things. Trust me.

Spend too long staring at the sun and you will go blind.

Penny said...

" And all it took was ambition to the point of hubris, a preparedness to kill innocents and sacrifice one's own people, a mastery of blackmail and it's subsequent control of a US military golem, a millenia-long superior ability to play the victim, and finally, the utter certainty that God's chosen people can do no wrong."

Just another day for the powerful people?

Magdelena said...

OMG nobody - that was priceless!!


Not far from the truth of the way they handle things via the hasbarfa propoganda wings...

hee hee hee

~ Buffers

nobody said...

Hey Folks,

And thanks Miraculix. I can dig it. I used to be in advertising, encouraging people to buy shit they didn't need. Not quite war porn but not so different either.

Otherwise, in the nascent next piece on the pedophocracy, the metaphor I've been fiddling around with is that one about looking into the abyss. You know, I've wondered what it would be like if I ever encountered a creature from the abyss. Frankly I doubt it will ever happen.

I just watched The USA versus John Lennon last night. It was a bit of a Jewish lovefest but it was interesting. Motherfuckers tend not to waste too much time on people unless they can move the masses. I get less than a hundred hits a day. Whether I'm right or not is kind of moot in the face of how few read me.

Otherwise I feel confident that I personally am grounded, so to speak. I'm not interested in 'handling the truth' so much as tearing it pieces.

But proper Buddhists (not like me, ha ha) pay no attention to cruelty and wickedness. They merely take it as read. A man does not become awake by dwelling on how fucked the world is. That was the point to a thing I wrote before.

Is that connected to your point? You were ever so slightly cryptic mate. Not that that's a bad thing.

Otherwise to pay no attention to this shit would be as easy as turning my head. When my father dies and I am not stuck in this bullshit town, I will start to turn away.

Anonymous said...

Many Australians are yobbos nobody
I lived in Cronulla for 15 years and would note of a Sunday the peaceful Muslim picnickers in Gunnamatta Bay Park and think how great Aus was.

the Silverfish said...

Sadly this little yarn is not really all that far off of the mark. Stranger things have happened.
911 springs to mind.

nobody said...

Hey Silverfish,

Sure. Frankly I didn't write anything particularly original here. I simply came up with a classic false-flag twofer. It's not like it's difficult. All the ideas were recycled. But recycling is good isn't it?

And hey Tony,

Have you been visiting the haiku blog mate? For those who don't know, Tony is talking about the infamous 'Cronulla race riots' which is the topic du jour over at the haiku blog (the link is on the front page. If you groove on haiku, head on over)

Otherwise, matey, I used to live at Bondi and I get it. Every weekend Bondi was plagued by gangs of Leb boys being tiresome. The thing that no one mentioned in the whole caper was that most of those Leb boys were actually Christian. During the Israeli-run civil war in Lebanon, Australia took in a ton of refugees. I don't know the percentages but no shortage of them came from the Phalangists. Very nasty customers and, believe it or not, not Muslims.

Anonymous said...

"Achievement of selflessness and arrival at Buddha-dom is a full-stop."

In keeping with my unintentionally cryptic tone (now how did that happen? =), I'll lead my reply with a quote from the "continuum" piece you linked to by way of a starting point.

While your point above is quartz crystal, I would suggest that it is exactly one hundred and eighty degrees out of phase: the full flowering of the thousand-petaled lotus does not lead to a moment of stillness, that "full stop" arrival at the core of being that you sagely allude to.

Rather, if one is joining the great collective consciousness by way of shedding the self, I strongly suspect the sensation will be one of swimming in the great current of energy beneath all and nothing. It is to be "full open", without attenuation, to the source. Overwhelmed within the limitless bounds of oneness.

There is stillness to be found along the way, for certain, but I have never imagined a "wellspring" as a static object or location. Quite the contrary.

Since we know from instinct, inference and even "hard science" that particles, waves and their specific vibrations and frequencies are crucial in all physical phenomenon at both the micro- and macro-level, this suggests to me that to escape the level of "self" is to find release: to join the universal flow.

I am also referring back here to my own "toes over the edge and staring into the abyss" moments during certain chemical "experiments" of earlier years, and the experiences I took away from that demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that chaos (perhaps best represented as random motion and opportunity) rules the universal roost, and not it's obsessive/compulsive dance partner order.

While I'm a "neatnik" by nature, for reasons largely aesthetic and organizational, I also cultivate a certain amount of chaos by way of creating opportunities. Somewhere in there, in the balance 'tween the two, I can usually unearth enough occasional wisdom to get me by.

So, is this cryptic enough yet? =)

As I don't really know you from Adam in the greater scheme, my somewhat pompous pronunciations from the first reply didn't account for the reality of your having been in advertising -- and the range of useful (and tragic) insights such experience delivered unto you, much like my own sinking into the PR mire enabled here.

And for what it's worth, I suspect I have met two creatures of the abyss along the way. Both during my seven year itch in the land of plastic angels. While I never confirmed my suspicions beyond the circumstantial, I can tell you that what convinced me was what I saw through those portals to every man and woman's soul. The eyes never lie.

As far as ignoring cruelty and injustice, that is one area where I am a genuine weakling, as I have a "defend the defenseless" streak a mile wide, which has probably damaged me as much as it has helped others along the way. I'm anything but a "proper Buddhist" (nor do I wish to be, in truth) and didn't mean to come off as lecturing there. Just warn of the dangerous shoals nearby, based on my own cosmic travels. Hope it didn't rankle too much. Cheers, mate.

nobody said...

Onya Miraculix,

And no such rankling occurred mate. I grooved on that and I grooved on this. It's all good.

Just by way of filling you in, I was actually a visuals guy in advertising. I started as a sculptor/modelmaker, went through a long period as a digital animator, and then ended up as a director. Mind you, I only directed five commercials before I wigged out and ran away. I did enjoy directing and my spots weren't bad but to be a director one needs to be possessed of an ambition of the personal variety, and I pretty much lack that.

And to finesse the point about the 'full-stop'... wait, you do know that I use full-stop here to denote a punctuation mark? I ask because I looked at it just now (with its superfluous hyphen) and images of steam ships and those, um, 'ding ding, full steam ahead' things popped into my head. What are they called, those things?. Anyway, they weren't in my head when I wrote it.

Otherwise, the discussion about the continuum there, was sort of having a bob each way. It was about the simple matter of human behaviour viewed through a selfish/selfless lens, plus a half-arse tip of the hat to something a bit more metaphysical. I'm definitely on dodgy ground with the latter. I'd happily concede just about anyone's superior knowledge in this regard (your good self included).

The full-stop punctuation mark was merely to describe the difference between 0 and n in a continuum of 0-n, if you can dig it. In a discussion of what each is, n will ever remain undefinable, whilst 0 will be understood about as well as anything can be. On my trade-marked continuum, selfish behaviour is n-like. This is fear and desire and both can be taken to the nth degree and in infinite variety. Buddha-like selflessness on the other hand is an absence of fear and desire of any description and of any degree.

God forbid I should give the impression that I think that arrival at Buddha-dom is like some kind of doldrums, or black hole, or zero degrees kelvin (floundering for a metaphor here). I do write at the top of the page that 'the only certainty is change'. Inherent within this is the to-all-intents-and-purposes impossibility of cessation. Subsequently I suspect we're actually of a like mind on this subject.

If I said that Buddha was still in the flow, and indeed flowed himself, I suspect you'd be in agreement. The Buddha's absence of fear and desire (his arrival at 0 on the journey from n) would in no way alter the flow/vibration/energy of all things. In fact this would be in defiance of, um, just about everything. Is that making more sense?

Further, I wonder if I wasn't also ambiguous in regard to turning away from cruelty and injustice. This is not a shedding of compassion. Quite the opposite. The 'turning away' should perhaps be more accurately described as 'ceasing to pay attention to the mechanics of wickedness'. And God knows I do a great deal of that in this blog. But I view this exercise as a distraction. Like the Times crossword, ha ha. It's merely what I do to occupy myself during this temporary phase in my life.

There's no future to this dissection. Just like there's no future to looking into the abyss. Which was your original point now that I think about it. I get it mate. I'm with you. The Buddha knew that suffering existed but didn't need to tear it apart and figure out how it all worked. In spite of not knowing what nut went on what bolt he only ever had one response and that was compassion.

Holy shit! Did I really write this much in the comments section? Bloody hell. Back to the funny pages. Yoroshiku.