Monday, October 17, 2011
Bursting. I am bursting. My heart is bursting. It overwhelms me. The energy coursing out of me will not stop. An invisible sun, it burns without heat. Too intense to stand and yet impossible to look away from. A burnt out retina for a revelling mind's eye.
The dazzling light of God - a burden, a joy, a happy strait jacket. I cannot share it with anyone, not without babbling like an idiot. And God knows I've babbled enough already. And still it pours out of me.
So I focus it back inwards upon itself, doubling and redoubling, an infinite equation. It cannot be contained but nor need it be. The sun upon itself remaining in the sky not falling. I stare but no harm befalls me.
A thousand possibilities fill my head. But in the face of this light, burning without sound, all things are put in their place. The discoverer, awe-struck at the fusion star that he holds in a magnetic field, thinks nothing of the weather. This is Shiva in a bottle - death and creation both. The best of all impossible worlds.
And what would that fellow say to mortal men? Is conversation even possible with that silent white-noise roar filling your ears? People's lips move and sound comes out but what's the point? I smile and nod. Does it matter what I say? I give them riddles and absurdities. Confused, they leave me alone to close my eyes and behold the silent sun.
It will kill me of course, but only if I become distracted. Around me life goes on. But nothing will be the same again. With such potentiality everything understood must be looked at anew. New eyes for the horizon - an horizon that meets itself again, a single thing without beginning or end.
And so I head towards it. Pick a point, any point, they all bring that future closer. A white light burning within.