The wickedness of Harbhajan Singh

The Australian cricket team and by extension the Australian people remain true to form. We are all currently outraged by the wicked Indian spin bowler Harbhajan Singh. He's now cited and must front the ICC board on a charge of racism. It seems he called the Australian batsman Andrew Symonds some variation of racist epithet. That he attempted to apologise is proof of his guilt. That the apology seems to have been rejected is perfectly understandable.


When will these foreigners learn? I suggest that the Australian Cricket Board, in a spirit of helpfulness, start a campaign to educate them on how to sledge correctly. I'll start it off. Anatomical insults are good. Thus you may call people pricks, arseholes, and cunts. Sexual insults also get a big tick. Jokes about fucking someone's wife are perfectly good - unless directed at someone like Australian bowler Glenn McGrath whose wife happened to have breast cancer. The fact that McGrath started it by declaring that he'd fucked the other fellow's wife is irrelevant. The other fellow's wife didn't have breast cancer. Otherwise if you just stick to the broad understanding that your opponents are shit who deserved to be ridiculed, insulted, and otherwise spattered with the verbal equivalent of fecal matter, you can't go wrong. Except for racism! Any term that might be interpreted as racist will be leapt upon and held up like a head on a pike so that all might know what wicked scoundrels racist foreigners are.

Note to ICC - How about instituting a policy of putting actual heads on actual pikes? We could then display them on the roof of the member's stand at the SCG so that foreigners might know that they may not sully the good name of Australian cricket. Just a thought.


But really, foreigners will be best served by simply reminding themselves that they're not our equals. They can't even speak English properly! And if they can't manage that simple task they should just shut up and be educated by us. And Harbhajan Singh? We'll teach him. We have standards here. And never mind whatever crap 'single' standards they have in India. We're one-up on them - we have double standards.